Enneagram

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 2 Teammates

May 15, 2020 by Matt Schlegel Leave a Comment

It’s easy to build rapport with people who go out of their way to build rapport with you. Enneagram Type 2s have heart and want to connect with you at an emotional level. How do they do that? By helping you! Don’t get in the way of Type 2 building rapport and trust with you.

Appreciation

Enneagram Type 2s want appreciation from those around them. The desire for appreciation compels them to seek ways to help others in return for appreciation. What’s the easiest rapport building strategy for Type 2? Appreciate them! Type 2s are capable of receiving boundless amounts of appreciation. Try it yourself. I’ve never found a limit.

Appreciation is Like Oxygen

Appreciation for Type 2s is like oxygen. They need it continuously. Deny the 2 of oxygen and what happens? They feel suffocated. When 2s don’t receive the appreciation they expect, they get angry. You can avoid that by determining what they did for which they expect appreciation, and then give them the appreciation they need. Better still, giving a gift as a token of appreciation will keep the 2 on your good side.

Mirroring 9.0 – The Exception to the Rule

As discussed in this 5/8/20 blog, mirroring is one of the most important rapport building skills. There are many ways to mirror others’ behaviors—body position, vocal pace, Enneagram style, etc. However, when building rapport, there is one Type 2 behavior you may not want to mirror—ironically, that’s helping the 2. Unless the 2 specifically asks you for help, Type 2s consider giving help their job. If you start mirroring the 2 by trying to help them, you may get into a competitive helping situation. Rather than that, simply allow the 2 to help you, and things will go much more smoothly.

Connecting is Twofer

Enneagram Type 2s are well connected and love opportunities to interact with and connect people. If you are looking for assistance, ask a 2 to help you find people. They probably know someone who can assist you. For the 2, this is a twofer, because they get to connect with and help two people, you and the person who can assist you. Having Type 2s connect you with others is a great rapport build technique.

Remember When?

Here’s another rapport building example—when speaking with Type 2, the conversation often turns to reminiscing about some event in the past. Type 2s love to relive the emotions of past events that involved friends and family—it’s an easy way for them to immerse themselves in the emotional content they love. Indulge the 2 because by participating in these conversations you are establishing rapport.

When does rapport building take place with the Enneagram Type 2s in your life? How are you building rapport and trust? What steps to building rapport are you taking? What works and what have you learned to avoid?

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 1 Teammates

May 13, 2020 by Matt Schlegel Leave a Comment

When you need to get it exactly right, you want a person who is Enneagram Type 1 on your team. Commonly called The Perfectionist, Type 1s are compelled to get things right. What are the rapport building strategies for building trust and rapport with your Type 1 teammates?

Mirroring 9.0

As I discussed in this 5/8/20 blog, mirroring is a powerful rapport building technique. Engaging Enneagram Type 1s in sincere conversations on topics that are important to them is a form of mirroring, and these conversations will help you in building rapport and trust with your Type 1 teammate. If you yourself are not Enneagram Type 1, then you’ll have to put yourself in their shoes. Here’s how.

Angry Voice

Imagine that there’s an angry voice in your head, and all that anger is directed at yourself. “That’s not good enough.” “You know it could be better.” “You have to try harder.” This voice is the nearly constant companion of Type 1. Knowing this will prepare you for the conversations that you’ll have with your teammate.

Listening to Type 1

In order to mirror, there must be something to reflect. Listening is the most important of rapport build skills. How do you get Type 1s to start talking? How about with this question, “Something wrong?” Since there’s always something wrong, this simple question will get the conversation going. To build rapport as you listen, it’s important to acknowledge the problems the 1 identifies. Don’t object. Don’t correct. Don’t deflect. Just listen and acknowledge.

Frustration

While Type 1s typically avoid outward displays of anger, their internal, self-directed anger commonly presents as frustration. As you listen to the 1, empathize with their frustrations. Empathy is a form of emotional mirroring, and by empathizing you’ll build rapport. Your conversations allow the 1 to express the root cause of what bothers them—the core of the problem. These conversations done well lead to catharsis which can move the 1 into a different mindset, one open to exploring new possibilities.

The Beautiful World

Once your Type 1 teammate has exhausted their list of problems, your next question is, “How should it be?” “Should” is the operative word. Type 1s have a strong innate sense of how the world should be. Encourage your Type 1 teammate to describe the ideal world, one without the frustrating problems. By clearly defining both the problematic world and the ideal world, your teammate reveals the gap between the two. Remember, this is their vision, not yours. Your job is to listen and understand—doing so furthers building rapport and trust.

Getting from A to B

Thinking about “what’s wrong” and “how it should be” preoccupy Type 1 and will form the basis for conversations to build rapport. When the gap between the two becomes clear, the 1 may signal wanting to talk about ideas to get from A to B. Follow their lead if that’s where they want to take the conversation, but don’t force it until they’re ready.

Distractions

Occasionally, Type 1s want an escape from their frustrations. Therein lies another rapport building opportunity with your Type 1 teammate. Find out the recreational activities they engage in and partake if possible. Though, be prepared—the Type 1s I know tend to focus on physical activities like cycling, running and hiking, and not in leisurely fashion! They need to work out their frustrations with vigorous physical activity to quiet that angry voice in their head.

What steps to building rapport have you taken with your Type 1 teammates? When does rapport building take place for you? What works well, and what have you learned to avoid?

Mirroring 9.0—How to Build Rapport with Diverse Teams using the Enneagram

May 8, 2020 by Matt Schlegel 1 Comment

Birds of a feather flock together. Why is that? Turns out, we are most comfortable being around people like ourselves. How can leaders build diverse teams while still building rapport among teammates? The Enneagram provides an answer.

Rapport and Team Effectiveness

The Oxford dictionary tells us that rapport is a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well. But is rapport important for team effectiveness? Do effective teams communicate well? Yes! Do effective teams share and understand each other’s ideas? Yes! Are they in a close and harmonious relationship? Yes! Clearly, rapport is essential for effective teams.

Mirroring

Mirroring is a phenomenon that occurs when we communicate with others—it’s a natural rapport-building mechanism by which we reflect back verbal and nonverbal cues. Those cues include posture, arm placement and speech patterns, among others. Have you ever noticed during a conversation that you’ve positioned your body in the mirror image of the other person? That’s mirroring in action. You can learn more about mirroring here. Mirroring is the way we tell the other person, “Hey, I’m like you; we’re birds of a feather.” It’s our instinctual method for building rapport.

Conscious Mirroring

Knowing the power of mirroring for rapport building, why not deliberately use this technique for increasing team effectiveness? For instance, when you are with someone who takes a relaxed posture and speaks slowly, you can deliberately relax and slow down your pace. Conversely, if they sit up right and talk fast, you can do the same. Another simple way to mirror, is to repeat back someone’s idea to them before you respond. Doing that, you are communicating that you listened, heard and understood their ideas. By mirroring in these simple ways, you are making the other person feel more comfortable, thereby building trust and rapport.

Birds of an Enneagram Type

At an Enneagram workshop I conducted, I asked the group to think about their best friends in high school and guess what Enneagram type they are. As we went around the room, the pattern became clear—most everyone concluded that their best friend was the same Enneagram type as themselves. It’s easier to build rapport with someone whose Enneagram style is similar to our own. But can we adjust our own style to build rapport with any other style?

Mirroring 9.0

Knowing the nine distinct Enneagram styles adds more arrows in your mirroring quiver. When building rapport with someone whose style is the same as yours, easy-peasy, you can just be yourself. When building rapport with other styles, learn to adjust your own style to accommodate and mirror their style. Doing so will help you build rapport with that person.

Cut to The Chase

I am Enneagram Type 6, and I like putting my ideas into context when communicating. You can probably tell this from my writing style. Type 8s, on the other hand, just want to get to the point. If they want context, they’ll ask for it. Otherwise, don’t bother. You’re just wasting their time. Knowing that my Type-6 communication style does not match well with the Type 8’s style, I deliberately adjust my style—I just get to the point and wait for questions. Letting the 8 lead the conversation will make them feel more comfortable, improve communication, and build rapport.

Why So Many Questions!

Conversely, if a Type 8 communicates with a Type 6, the Type 8 will simply state the point. The Type 6 will want to know the context and start asking questions (sometimes Type 6 is labeled the Questioner.) Since the Type 8 will feel like they’ve already worked out everything, rehashing issues may annoy them. Being a Type 6, I have to check my tendency to ask lots of questions with Type 8s.

Starting Point—Knowing Your Own Type

For both scenarios, the starting point for me was to know my own Enneagram type and associated communication tendencies. Once familiar with those, I was able to adjust my tendencies based on the preferences of the other types. By learning to match the communication styles of the others based on their Enneagram type, you will be building rapport with your teammates.

Mirroring 9.0—Rapport Building Communication Tips

While each Enneagram type represents a tapestry of behaviors, there are some simple tips you can use to improve communication with each type.

Enneagram Type 1—Acknowledge my desire to get things right; give me the information and time I need to do it.

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 1 Teammates

Enneagram Type 2—Appreciate me for my contributions; provide me with new opportunities to help.

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 2 Teammates

Enneagram Type 3—Recognize me for my accomplishments; show me ways I can continue to achieve.

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 3 Teammates

Enneagram Type 4—Acknowledge my unique perspectives; engage me in conversations about emotions and feelings.

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 4 Teammates

Enneagram Type 5—Recognize my deep knowledge and understanding of a subject; allow me to contribute my knowledge is safe ways.

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 5 Teammates

Enneagram Type 6—Recognize my abilities to think about the future, plan and strategize; indulge me in conversations about what may happen.

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 6 Teammates

Enneagram Type 7—Let me know how much you like me; let’s dream about new and fun things to do.

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 7 Teammates

Enneagram Type 8—Acknowledge my desire to get things done; get to the point so I can get into action.

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 8 Teammates

Enneagram Type 9—Acknowledge my ability to understand other’s perspectives; don’t push me to share my own.

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 9 Teammates

Knowing the Enneagram types of your teammates and practicing these tips will help you build rapport and trust with your teammates.

Employee Engagement

According to Gallup, in 2019, the percentage of “engaged” workers in the U.S. was 35%. Hey, lot’s of room for improvement! And, what’s the number one reason why it’s so low? Gallup finds that the relationship between the employee and the direct manager is responsible for 70% of low engagement. 70%! Now we know what to work on—building rapport and trust!

The Leader Sets the Tone

As a leader who desires a highly effective team with a diversity of styles, building rapport with your teammates is crucial. Learning the different Enneagram styles of yourself and your teammates and learning how to mirror those styles is a rapport building technique that will help improve team effectiveness and achieve higher employee engagement. Sharing your rapport building tips with your teammates will serve as a model for the entire team to build a self-supporting and self-sustaining environment in which the entire team can thrive. I detail leadership traits and Enneagram at work in Teamwork 9.0.

What rapport building strategies are you using to improve team effectiveness and employee engagement? How are you honing your rapport building skills?

Online Enneagram Workshop: Coping with Corona

April 16, 2020 by Matt Schlegel Leave a Comment

How are you coping with shelter-in-place? Join us for an online conversation in which we will share ideas and learn from one another. You will gain an appreciation for the approach each Enneagram type is taking to manage through these challenging times. Knowledge of your Enneagram type is helpful, but not required.

Workshop Details

Date: Tuesday, April 21

Time: 7:30pm to 9pm (Pacific)

Access: Direct Message me for access to the web conference link.

Also, you can find more details here.

Hope you can make it—we want to hear your stories!

FAQ: Enneagram — Team Effectiveness

April 7, 2020 by Matt Schlegel 3 Comments

What’s the definition of the Enneagram?

The Enneagram is commonly used as a system that describes personal dynamics, behaviors and motivations. It has become popular among people who are interested in making their life better, both personally and professionally. The system describes nine core types of people and is helpful to better understand yourself, others and your inter-personal interactions.

What’s the Enneagram’s origin?

The Enneagram origin as a system of personalities was precipitated by Oscar Ichazo in the 1950s in his work Enneagram of Personality and later by Claudio Naranjo in the 1970s. The Enneagram draws on the wisdom of ancient traditions. For instance, the Enneagram is thought to be reflected in Plotinus’ 3rd-century work, The Enneads.

Russian born George Gurdjieff introduced the Enneagram diagram or Enneagram symbol to the West in the early 20^th century. Gurdjieff saw the Enneagram was as a tool to describe dynamical flows associated with the nine Enneagram energies. It is thought that Gurdjieff coined the term Enneagram from the Greek ennea = nine and gramma = figure.

Inspired by Gurdjieff, German psychologist Klausbernd Vollmar describes the connection between energy flows and personality in his book, The Secret of Enneagrams. Vollmar’s work inspired me to draw the connection between the Enneagram and team-based problem solving that I describe in my book, Teamwork 9.0, with the goal of using the Enneagram at work to improve team effectiveness.

Why are there nine Enneagram types?

This question speaks to Enneagram validity. The most satisfying answer I have found to this question comes from Peter Savich in his Enneagram book Personality and the Brain. Savich theorizes that the two parts of the brain that drive the behaviors associated with the Enneagram are the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex.

In our bi-cameral brain, there are two sides of each part, and each side is responsible for a different response. For instance, the amygdala is our fight-or-flight processor and the pre-frontal cortex is our optimism-pessimism processor.

Just as each of us can be right handed, left handed or ambidextrous depending on the asymmetric dominance of our motor cortex, the amygdala has three dominances and the prefrontal cortex has three dominances: 3 times 3 equals 9. In other words, the various combinations of dominance between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex yield the nine Enneagram types that we observe.

What are the nine Enneagram personality types?

It’s inadequate to describe the nine types with one-word labels. That said, the one-word labels are useful when first learning the system since the words provide a reference to a certain personality archetype.

Type 1 – The Perfectionist

Type 2 – The Helper

Type 3 – The Achiever

Type 4 – The Romantic

Type 5 – The Observer

Type 6 – The Questioner

Type 7 – The Adventurer

Type 8 – The Asserter

Type 9 – The Peacemaker

I provide a brief overview of the nine Enneagram types in chapter 1 of my book Teamwork 9.0. You can access that chapter for free here.

One of my favorite Enneagram reference books is The Enneagram Made Easy by Elizabeth Wagele and Renee Baron. I borrow the descriptions above from their book.

How do I discover my Enneagram personality type?

There are many quizzes available that guide you towards your dominant type. I find that the quizzes are better at informing you which type you are NOT than which type you ARE. Therefore, the quiz can be used as a process of elimination. Take a quiz, eliminate the low-scoring types, and keep the high-scoring types. Read more about each high-scoring type to determine which one matches you most closely. If you have friends or family who are familiar with the Enneagram, they may also be willing to give you some suggestions.

Enneagram personality test free of charge: www.enneasurvey.com

Using this Enneagram assessment, you will see your Enneagram results immediately after you take this free quiz.

How do you use the Enneagram in business?

There are workflows associated with teamwork, and there is an order in which that work occurs. Reflecting on Vollmar’s writings, it occurred to me that the Enneagram can be used to describe the sequential order in which business teams coalesce to solve problems. The Enneagram energies, one through nine, reflect the steps in that sequential order. Chapter 2 of Teamwork 9.0 describes this sequence and is a way you can use the Enneagram for business. Here is a summary of the steps:

Step 1: Problem-Goal — Identify the problems and define the goals.

Step 2: Stakeholder Identification — Recruit a committed team

Step 3: Ideation — Generate ideas for solutions.

Step 4: Emotional Reaction — Assess reactions to each idea.

Step 5: Logical Analysis — Study and score promising ideas.

Step 6: Planning — Select the most promising idea and build an action plan.

Step 7: Promotion — Passionately promote the plan and get approval to proceed.

Step 8: Implementation — Execute the plan and solve the problem!

Step 9: Integration — Confirm the problem is solved with all stakeholders.

I elaborate on these steps in this video:

What are Enneagram Wings?

Every Enneagram type has a range of behaviors and the Enneagram system has several explanations for this range, one of which is called Enneagram wings.

Every Enneagram Type has two wings, the types on either side along the circle. For example, Type 6 wings are Type 5 and Type 7.

There is a convention to denote the wing of each type using a “w.” For instance Type 6 with a 5 wing is denoted 6w5. Likewise, for the 7 wing it’s 6w7.

One way to use the wings is to describe the tendency of each type towards being introverted or extroverted.

_Type_	_Introverted_	_Extroverted_
1	9	2
2	1	3
3	4	2
4	5	3
5	4/6*	4/6*
6	5	7
7	6	8
8	9	7
9	1	8

*Note: it’s a tough call for me to determine whether the naturally introverted Type 5 would be more introverted with a 4 or a 6—likewise for the extroverted 5.

What are the intrinsic motivations of each Enneagram type?

Type 1: Getting it right.

Type 2: Receiving appreciation.

Type 3: Receiving recognition for accomplishments.

Type 4: Immersing oneself in emotional stimulation.

Type 5: Feeling safe by collecting resources.

Type 6: Avoiding risks.

Type 7: Being liked.

Type 8: Securing control of their environment.

Type 9: Reducing conflict in their environment.

Here’s a graphical depiction of the nine Enneagram motivations:

I elaborate on the nine distinct motivations described by the Enneagram in this video:

What are the blind spots of each Enneagram type?

This question really deserves a detailed answers for each type. In one sentence I would say, …

Type 1: Too much focus on problems and what is “right”, and not enough on people.

Type 2: Minimal sense of other’s personal space and thinking they know better what a person needs than the person themselves.

Type 3: Lack of awareness of people’s feelings and minimization of others’ personal situations.

Type 4: Overemphasis on feelings and minimization of logic and reason as a guide.

Type 5: Fear of being “wrong” inhibits making a decision or taking action.

Type 6: Immersion in everything that could go wrong makes it difficult to get enthusiastic about what can go right.

Type 7: Inability to deal with negativity.

Type 8: Lack of care about consequences of their actions on others.

Type 9: Inability to assert themselves and what is right for them.

Can the Enneagram be used for rapport building?

Yes! I elaborate how to build rapport with each Enneagram type in this series of blogs:

Rapport building with Enneagram Type 1

Rapport building with Enneagram Type 2

Rapport building with Enneagram Type 3

Rapport building with Enneagram Type 4

Rapport building with Enneagram Type 5

Rapport building with Enneagram Type 6

Rapport building with Enneagram Type 7

Rapport building with Enneagram Type 8

Rapport building with Enneagram Type 9

Also, I explain how to build rapport with each Enneagram type in this video:

What is the difference between the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®?

While both the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) demonstrate that there exist a multiplicity of personality styles, I find that the Enneagram speaks better to how the behaviors of a given personality type can change over time. Also, the Enneagram is more than a personality system–it can also serve as a problem-solving framework, the topic of my book Teamwork 9.0.

I elaborate on some of the differences between the two systems in this blog post: https://evolutionaryteams.com/whats-the-difference-between-enneagram-and-myers-briggs/

What is the connection between creativity and the Enneagram?

In chapter 5 of Teamwork 9.0, I describe how each Enneagram type accesses inspiration and action along the paths of integration and disintegration. They say the necessity is the mother of invention. Well, being in need can certainly put us in a state of stress along our path of disintegration and can be the source of inspiration for some Enneagram types. I elaborate on this idea using the concept of the Creativity Seesaw as we rock back and forth between inspiration and action in our creative process. I elaborate on this idea in this blog: https://evolutionaryteams.com/the-nine-creativity-gifts-creativity-and-the-enneagram/

What are the nine creative types described by the Enneagram?

In this series of blogs, I describe the creative process for each Enneagram type:

Enneagram Type 1 Creativity – Perfection is no small thing, but it is made up of small things. – Michelangelo

Enneagram Type 2 Creativity – Create with the heart; build with the mind. – Criss Jami

Enneagram Type 3 Creativity – Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. – Thomas Edison

Enneagram Type 4 Creativity – Everything you can imagine is real. – Pablo Picasso

Enneagram Type 5 Creativity – Creativity is seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought. – Albert Einstein

Enneagram Type 6 Creativity – The creative adult is the child who survived. – Ursula Kroeber Le Guin

Enneagram Type 7 Creativity – You can’t use up creativity. The more you use the more you have. — Maya Angelou

Enneagram Type 8 Creativity – Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t try to do things. You simply must do things. – Ray Bradbury

Enneagram Type 9 Creativity – But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars. – Martin Luther King Jr.

Can the Enneagram be used as a change management process?

Yes! The numbers associated with each Enneagram dynamic represent the order in which that dynamic comes to play during transformational changes. Any organization or team that is adapting to a changing environment can use the Enneagram as a tool to manage through the change. Chapter 2 of Teamwork 9.0 elaborates on this nine-step change management process. You can find a summary of the process here:

https://evolutionaryteams.com/change-management-and-the-enneagram/

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 2 Teammates

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 1 Teammates

Mirroring 9.0—How to Build Rapport with Diverse Teams using the Enneagram

Online Enneagram Workshop: Coping with Corona