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How Millennials Lead and Make Decisions

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As a Gen X parent of two Millennials and one Gen Z, I have had a front row seat experiencing how these generations have come of age.  Their experience couldn’t be more different from my own, when I grew  up in a Boomer-dominated education system.  The Millennial generation’s childhood experiences color their preferred leadership and decision-making styles, presenting challenges and opportunities for organizations.

Pods not Rows

As a young parent, I remember walking into my oldest child’s elementary school classroom and being stunned. All the desks were clumped together into groups of five or six. When I was growing up, the desks were all in rows, all separated, and all pointing to the front of the class at the teacher. My classroom was designed for me to learn from the teacher.  Not so with Millennials.  From the outset of their education, they were expected to work with and learn from one another.

Importantly, Millennials were taught that learning from classmates was as important as learning from the teacher.  Millennials were raised to work in teams, and not simply follow the instructions of an authoritative figure. They were given autonomy and flexibility to be creative.

What Millennials learned in Kindergarten continues to influence their behaviors in the workplace. Millennials expect to have more say in decision making. They will question why things are done a certain way and not take anything as a given.  They want to ensure that their teammates are included in decision making and will listen carefully to what they say. They want to work together, collaboratively, to solve problems.

Flat Organizations

The Millennial’s team-based collaborative style has led to the rise of “Flat Organizations.”  These organizations have fewer levels of hierarchy in the management structure and more emphasis on teams working together, collaboratively leading themselves.  Millennials tend to have higher self-awareness and an understanding of their own strengths and weakness as well as those of others.  This understanding informs their team efforts and allows them to share leadership and delegate tasks so that the team benefits from the strengths of all players.  Having conversations about collaboration from the time they were young makes it very natural for them to bring collaborative behaviors into the workplace.

Collaborative Leadership and Decision Making

The nine-step collaboration strategy based on the Enneagram that I describe in my book Teamwork 9.0 overlaps with the Millennial style of leadership and decision making.  Unsurprisingly, the Millennial generation’s interest in self-knowledge has led to a surge in interest in the Enneagram, a tool used for understanding personal motivations, feelings and behaviors. There are vibrant communities on social media, in particular YouTube and Instagram,  centered on the Enneagram.

For example, I was fascinated by a recent book entitled Millenneagram by Hannah Paasch. Paasch has written an Enneagram book for Millennials by a Millennial.  She brings the wisdom of this system directly to her generation in a way that is highly tuned for them. If you already know the Enneagram, you can learn a lot about Millennials by reading this book!

The Teamwork 9.0 method assumes that employees will work together to creatively solve problems, precisely the way Millennials expect to work together.  Here is a breakdown of the nine steps in terms of how Millennials want to work:

Step 1 – Collectively decide which problem to pursue

Step 2 – Make sure that everyone is included

Step 3 – Listen to everyone’s ideas for how to solve the problem

Step 4 – Pick the ideas that everyone likes

Step 5 – Analyze and validate the ideas that are most likely to work

Step 6 – Build a plan based on everyone’s talents and contributions

Step 7 – Make sure that everyone is comfortable with the plan

Step 8 – Move forward together to solve the problem

Step 9 – Make sure that everyone is happy with the outcome

In Teamwork 9.0, I describe these steps in detail. I also include chapters on shared leadership, leadership growth and contributions, and creativity—topics important to Millennials and how they work together.

Intrinsic Motivation

Teams derive great joy when working together with autonomy, choosing which problems to tackle and how to tackle them. That joy has been instilled in the Millennial generation and provides the intrinsic motivation for how they work together to solve problems.  The top-down command-control approach simply does not work well with this generation. Nor do extrinsic motivation techniques like the dismissive, “we’re paying their salary, so they should do what I say.”  Intrinsic motivation is much more powerful than extrinsic motivation. Successful organizations tap into the Millennial’s intrinsic motivation.

Participation Award

Life is a team sport—we’re better when everyone participates. One of Boomer parent’s gifts to the Millennial generation was setting the expectation that they participate.  Making the effort to participate is itself enough for recognition. And though some thought this trend was fodder for mocking humor, the Millennial kids did not. They took it to heart.  We trained them to be team players, and now they expect to participate on teams and expect others to do likewise.  This expectation can present a challenge for organizations that are structured in a siloed hierarchical fashion.  Millennials have learned to vote with their feet. They will seek out organizations that welcome and embrace their collaborative style.

OK Boomer

Boomers and Gen X express frustration with how to manage Millennials and how to lead Millennials. They frequently claim that Millennial and Gen Z workers have a sense of entitlement and that they do not appreciate the value of starting at the bottom and working their way up the ladder as their generation did. And with that sentiment, Boomers reveal their misunderstanding. There are no ladders in the minds of Millennials. Instead there are teams, collaboration and networks. They learned how both to listen to others and to share their own thoughts. They DO expect others to listen to them.  While Boomers may think Millennial employees on the “low rung of the ladder” are entitled, it’s just because those employees expect to be heard.  Boomers can learn much about leadership by understanding how Millennials collaboratively lead themselves.

How are Millennials assuming leadership and decision-making roles in your organization? What’s working well? What’s not?

How to Build Rapport with the Enneagram and Mirroring

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I recently participated in an amazing online conference, the Kindness Matters Conference 2020.  I gave a talk on how to use the Enneagram to build rapport with your workmates:

During Q&A, we had a conversation with Rhonda Delaney who is Enneagram Type 8. She made insightful comments how to communicate effectively with a Type 8:

https://youtu.be/JfqV8eB6zr4?t=11901

Also, we discussed the power of the Enneagram for use with sales teams and how to use it to get along with your boss, especially your Enneagram Type 8 boss! Working with Type 8s is a common discussion topic at workshops, so these comments were very much appreciated:

https://youtu.be/JfqV8eB6zr4?t=12168

Here we discuss how the Enneagram gives us permission to be ourselves, to accept ourselves for who we are, and to accept others for who they are:

https://youtu.be/JfqV8eB6zr4?t=12478

After my presentation is completed, Rhonda Delaney gives her talk on leadership.  If you want to hear more about leadership from the Enneagram Type 8 perspective, you can enjoy that here:

https://youtu.be/JfqV8eB6zr4?t=12868

Here is the transcript of my talk:

[Slide 1 – Title Slide]

Thank you for the opportunity to speak with you today on the important topic of building empathy, kindness, and compassion in the workplace and in the world.  I feel that this topic is as important now as it has ever been in my lifetime.

And, it’s more important than ever that we learn to welcome a diversity of styles among our friends, family and teammates.

In my talk today, I will share with you a tool called the Enneagram that I use for building rapport and trust with others who have different styles than my own.

[Slide 2 – About]

I have an education in electrical engineering.  I was trained to lead electrons, not people. But as I advanced in my career, I realized the key to success was more about team effectiveness than designing circuits.

Ten years into my engineering career, my boss said that he was promoting me to manager. I was shocked. I knew nothing about managing people.  He said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

Well, I wasn’t fine. I was worried.  And I did what any good engineer would do.  I studied the problem.  I got my hands on every book on leadership and teamwork I could find, and read as much as possible.

It was at this time, I discovered a tool called the Enneagram.  I thought the Enneagram was just another personality system like others I’d experienced, like Myers Briggs or DISC.  And, being the engineer that I am, I liked to take these systems apart see what works  well, what doesn’t,  find the best parts, and keep ‘em and use ‘em.

The Enneagram was different from the others. No matter how much I tried to break it, I couldn’t.  That made me ever more curious about the system, and led me on a journey of discovery that inspired me to develop the novel teamwork tools based on the Enneagram that I am sharing in my recently published book Teamwork 9.0.

[Slide 3 – The Enneagram]

The Enneagram is commonly used as a personality dynamics system. The system describes nine distinct behavioral dynamics.  It’s extremely useful and valuable for understanding yourself, your friends, family and team members, and the interpersonal dynamics that occur.

The Enneagram’s use as a personality system was popularized by Oscar Ichazo in the 50s and later by Claudio Naranjo in the 70s.  The Enneagram draws on the wisdom of ancient traditions going back to ancient Greece and Egypt.

More recently, I’ve noticed that the Enneagram has become very popular with Millennials.  There are a number of great sites on YouTube and Instagram where communities are sharing their Enneagram experiences.

Today, I will be sharing how to build rapport with others using a technique called mirroring, with an Enneagram twist.

[Slide 4 – Mirroring]

Mirroring is a phenomenon that occurs when we communicate with others—it’s a natural rapport-building mechanism by which we reflect back verbal and nonverbal cues.  Those cues include posture, arm placement and speech patterns, among others.

Have you ever noticed during a conversation that you’ve positioned your body in the mirror image of the other person?  That’s mirroring in action. Mirroring is the way we tell the other person, “Hey, I’m like you; we’re birds of a feather.” It’s our instinctual method for building rapport.

At an Enneagram workshop I conducted, I asked the group to think about their best friends in high school, and guess-what-Enneagram type they were.  As we went around the room, we discovered a pattern—most everyone concluded that their best friend was the same Enneagram type as themselves.

It’s easy to build rapport with someone when you are reflecting back their Enneagram style. Knowing the power of mirroring, why not use this technique deliberately and consciously for building rapport? By knowing each of the 9 distinct Enneagram styles, you can adjust your own style to better match that of the person with whom you are building rapport.

[Slide 4 – Type 1]

In order to mirror, there must be something to reflect.   Listening is the most important of rapport build skills.

Enneagram Type 1 is often called the Perfectionist.  They’re frequently the first type to point out that things aren’t right, aren’t as they should be.

How do you get Type 1s to start talking?  How about with this question, “Is something wrong?”  Since there’s always something wrong, this simple question will get the conversation going. To build rapport as you listen, it’s important to acknowledge the problems the 1 identifies.  Don’t object. Don’t correct. Don’t deflect. Just listen and acknowledge.

Another question to ask Type 1s is, “How should things be.” Type 1s have a strong innate sense of how the world should be. Encourage your Type 1  to describe the ideal world, one without the frustrating problems.  By clearly defining both the problematic world and the ideal world, the Type 1 reveals the gap between the two.  Remember, this is their vision, not yours.  Your job is to listen and understand—doing so allows you to build rapport and trust.

[Slide 5 – Type 2]

It’s easy to build rapport with people who go out of their way to build rapport with you. Enneagram Type 2s have heart, and want to connect with you at an emotional level.  How do they do that? By helping you.

Enneagram Type 2s want appreciation from those around them. The desire for appreciation compels them to seek ways to help others in return for that appreciation.

So, what’s the easiest way to build rapport with Type 2?  Appreciate them! Type 2s are capable of receiving boundless amounts of gratitude. Try it yourself. I’ve never found a limit. This is the key to building rapport and trust with Type 2.

[Slide 6 – Type 3]

Enneagram Type 3s tend to minimize attention to emotions and feelings, both their own and the feelings of others.  Clearly, building rapport on an emotional level is not the best approach with the 3.

They do want to succeed and appear successful.  And, therein lies the key to building rapport with Type 3s.

Enneagram Type 3s are highly conscious of appearances and will respond well to mirroring. They like to surround themselves with achievement-oriented people who exhibit trappings of success—nice clothes, nice car, nice job, etc.   Mirroring these signs of success while demonstrating your own ability to work hard and achieve success will put you in good stead with the 3.

Also, recognizing and acknowledging the 3 for their successes that they’ve achieved is a key to building rapport with Type 3.

[Slide 7 – Type 4]

Enneagram Type 4 has the innate ability to “feel” the emotional content of the world, both what is present and also what’s missing.  Having conversations about feelings is when rapport building takes place with Type 4.

Mirroring with Type 4 requires conversations about feelings. In some environments and situations, conversations about feelings are not welcome. For Type 4s, those settings can be stifling.  Social conversations that focus only on positivity and superficiality will not seem genuine to the 4.  They yearn for something deeper.  And, herein lies your opportunity to build rapport with Type 4s—by finding the time to  share your own feelings.   Type 4 will often express deep empathy and provide unique perspectives on your situation. Acknowledging and appreciating these gifts is a key step to building rapport with Type 4.

[Slide 8 – Type 5]

For Type 5s, acquiring information and knowledge makes them feel safe.  They are drawn to unorthodox topics that require profound knowledge.  They enjoy immersing themselves deeply in the subject matter.

Engaging in conversations about the subject in which they are expert is when rapport building takes place with Type 5. Sharing any specialized knowledge that you have on the subject will be especially compelling for them.

While they are capable of acquiring vast amounts of data and knowledge, they often have trouble distilling it down to make a decision.  This is compounded by their desire to not be wrong.  Helping the 5 sort through the data to make safe decisions are conversations that the 5 appreciates and a great way to build rapport.

[Slide 9 – Type 6]

More than any other Enneagram type, Type 6 is beset with feelings of anxiety.  Like a thermometer in their gut, the anxiety temperature is low when things are going according to plan.  But, when things don’t, their anxiety temperature rises. When building rapport with Type 6, it is best to approach them when they are in their calm state. Otherwise, anxiety can make them confrontational and mask their ability to make meaningful and trusting connections.

Reflecting back concern about the future and discussing probabilities for different outcomes are topics of great interest to Type 6. They value these conversations and your participation is an excellent rapport building technique.

[Slide 10 – Type 7]

Wanna have some fun?  Find an Enneagram Type 7!  Type 7s like being around other people, and others like being around them. Type 7s make it easy to build rapport.

Enneagram Type 7s want to keep things light and fun. Engaging with Type 7 in fun conversations and activities is a great way to build rapport with them.   Type 7s want to be liked, so demonstrating that you like them is important to building rapport.

[Slide 11 – Type 8]

Just get to the point.  To communicate effectively with Enneagram Type 8 you must be succinct.  If they want more details, they’ll ask.  Letting them lead the conversation will create the environment for building rapport and trust.

Enneagram Type 8s prefer action to talking.   The Type 8 characteristics to reflect back to Type 8 include getting to the point, being direct, and acting decisively. Demonstrating these characteristics is an excellent rapport building strategy. They respect others with their same style and by reflecting back to them that direct, to-the-point approach you can build rapport with Type 8.

[Slide 12 – Type 9]

When a situation calls for an abundance of patience-understanding-and-empathy, turn to Enneagram Type 9 for guidance. Masters of de-escalation, Type 9 strives to reduce conflict. Therein lies the key to building rapport and trust.

Enneagram Type 9s have the ability to understand everyone else’s perspective.  How do they do that?  Type 9s tend to be on the quiet side.  Rather than talking, they focus on listening.  By listening, they absorb everyone’s opinions and perspectives. Doing so gives them the ability to put themselves in other’s shoes and to intuit and predict how others will react in a given situation.

Enneagram Type 9s strive to minimize conflict and appreciates those that do the same. Reflecting back empathy and a consideration of others’ perspectives is an important rapport building strategy with Type 9.

[Slide 13 – Quiz]

In order to effectively reflect back the Enneagram style of others, it is very helpful to understand your own style.

Once you know your own style, then you will know what aspects to share and which to suppress as you are reflecting back the styles of others.

For instance, being a Type 6 myself, I like to think things through and ask lots of questions.  These behaviors can frustrate and anger Type 8, so in my interactions with Type 8s I work to check these tendencies.

Also, I tend to couch my conclusions into context.  My typical conversations start with the context and end with the conclusion as the punchline. Knowing that 8s just want me to get to the point, I flip this style on its head.  I start with the punchline and only explain the context if asked.  Often the 8 will have already figured out the context, and explaining that first is just wasting their time.  I’ve found this an important rapport building technique with the Type 8s in my life.

If you are interested in discovering your own Enneagram type, a good first step is to take a questionnaire. You are welcome to take the complimentary quiz at www.enneasurvey.com.

[Slide 14 – Blogs]

Also, I published a series of blogs on building rapport with each Enneagram type.  I have included the links to those blogs in this presentation for reference.

[Slide 15 – Teamwork 9.0]

Also, I have included some resources about my book Teamwork 9.0 here in the presentation.

We have some time if anyone has a question.

Thanks so much for your interest in this topic and for your participation today.

 

 

How to Lead a Board of Directors Task Force Team

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Faced with extraordinary challenges, boards of directors are establishing committees and task forces, teams of people responsible for formulating plans to address acute problems the  organization faces.   Here’s how to organize your task force team to solve problems successfully with maximum stakeholder buy in.

Structure

Your task force will benefit with a bit of structure.  The structure serves as a framework that helps focus conversations and keeps your task force team moving forward towards a successful outcome.  I detail a framework ideal for task force teams in Chapter 2 of Teamwork 9.0.

Nine Steps

The framework consists of nine steps that takes your task force team from Step 1, defining problems and goals, to Step 9, assessing the solution’s effectiveness.  Here’s a summary of the nine steps:

Step 1: Problem-Goal — Identify the problems and define the goals.

Step 2: Stakeholder Identification — Recruit the committed team.

Step 3: Ideation — Generate ideas for solutions.

Step 4: Emotional Reaction — Select ideas with the most positive response.

Step 5: Logical Analysis — Study and score the ideas.

Step 6: Planning — Select the most promising idea and build an action plan.

Step 7: Promotion — Passionately promote the plan and get approval to proceed.

Step 8: Implementation — Execute the plan and solve the problem!

Step 9: Integration — Confirm the problem is solved for all stakeholders.

The successful task force will carefully dedicate time to each step as they work through the initiative.  Inadequate time in a step, or worse skipping a step, will result in poor outcomes at best and a stalled initiative at worst. Here’s an example of what happened when a task force skipped Step 2.

Don’t Forget Step 2!

At a workshop in which I took a group of policy makers through this nine-step framework, one of the attendees came up to me afterwards with excitement in her eyes.  “Now I get it,” she said, “now I understand why my task force stalled. We skipped Step 2!”  Step 2 is the step in which you consider the perspectives of all stakeholders who are impacted by the problem or will be impacted by the solution.

This policy maker reported that her task force team didn’t dedicate time listening to all the stakeholders who would be impacted.  After defining the problem and setting the goals, they skipped Step 2 and went on to Steps 3, 4, 5 and 6.  When they got to Step 7 and presented the plans to solve the problem, there was outcry and backlash from various constituents of the community.  Why?  Because they had not considered everyone connected to the problem in Step 2 and had not incorporated their concerns and perspectives when defining problems and goals.   This reaction from the community compelled the task force team to return to Step 1 with a reconstituted team of stakeholders.

Leading Your Unique Team

Every task force team will have a unique set of characteristics.  The nature of your organization influences these characteristics as do the personalities of the individuals on your task force team. Teams love to play to their strengths and downplay their weaknesses.  For instance, a highly analytical team may love spending time in Step 5, but be reluctant to move on to Step 6.

As the task force leader, you need to recognize the distinct tendencies of your team and when it may spend too much or too little time in each step, so as to ensure spending adequate time and energy in each step while not feeling rushed to jump to the end.  The framework helps you do this.  It provides you with a vocabulary and enables you to communicate clearly the importance of each step  to the overall success of the initiative. Another benefit of this framework is that it gives everyone a chance to participate, not just the most outspoken team members.

How have you led your task force team?  In which steps did your team excel?  Which steps were skipped?  How could the results have been better?

Thank You

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I want to take this moment to offer my sincerest appreciation. Writing, publishing and marketing a book is truly a team effort, and I am deeply appreciative of all the support and kindness I have received on this journey. I could not have done this without you.

I am honored by your thoughtful feedback and comments. As you read the book, I kindly ask that you leave your thoughts in an Amazon review.

Teamwork 9.0

If you have any questions or experiences about the tools in the book, please do not hesitate to contact me. I am passionate about the Enneagram and using it to build amazingly effective teams. I am delighted to already be hearing stories of how leaders are applying these concepts with their teams. Please let me know how you are applying them to yours.

My Sincere Appreciation,

How to Build Rapport

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This is a video of an abbreviated version of a talk I gave at the 2020 Kindness Matters Conference.  I share how to build rapport using the Enneagram.  This guide will help you build relationships with people who have different Enneagram styles than your own, promoting style diversity.

https://youtu.be/C4CY1YVWBHw

Here is a transcript of the talk:

[Slide 1 – Title Slide]

It’s more important than ever that we learn to welcome a diversity of styles among our friends, family and teammates.

In this talk, I will share with you a tool called the Enneagram that I use for building rapport and trust with others who have different styles than my own.

[Slide 2 – The Enneagram]

The Enneagram is commonly used as a personality dynamics system. The system describes nine distinct behavioral dynamics.  It’s extremely useful and valuable for understanding yourself, your friends, family and team members, and the interpersonal dynamics that occur.

Today, I will be sharing how to build rapport with others using a technique called mirroring, with an Enneagram twist.

[Slide 3 – Mirroring]

Mirroring is a phenomenon that occurs when we communicate with others—it’s a natural rapport-building mechanism by which we reflect back verbal and nonverbal cues.  Those cues include posture, arm placement and speech patterns, among others.

Have you ever noticed during a conversation that you’ve positioned your body in the mirror image of the other person?  That’s mirroring in action. Mirroring is the way we tell the other person, “Hey, I’m like you; we’re birds of a feather.” It’s our instinctual method for building rapport.

At an Enneagram workshop I conducted, I asked the group to think about their best friends in high school and guess what Enneagram type they were.  As we went around the room, we discovered a pattern—most everyone concluded that their best friend was the same Enneagram type as themselves.

It’s easy to build rapport with someone when you are reflecting back their Enneagram style. Knowing the power of mirroring, why not use this technique deliberately and consciously for building rapport? By knowing each of the 9 distinct Enneagram styles, you can adjust your own style to better match that of the person with whom you are building rapport.

Let’s step through each Enneagram Type

[Slide 4 – Type 1]

In order to mirror, there must be something to reflect.   Listening is the most important of rapport build skills.

Enneagram Type 1 is often called the Perfectionist.  They’re frequently the first type to point out that things aren’t right, aren’t as they should be.

How do you get Type 1s to start talking?  How about with this question, “Is something wrong?”  Since there’s always something wrong, this simple question will get the conversation going. To build rapport as you listen, it’s important to acknowledge the problems the 1 identifies.  Don’t object. Don’t correct. Don’t deflect. Just listen and acknowledge.

Another question to ask Type 1s is, “How should things be.” Type 1s have a strong innate sense of how the world should be. Encourage your Type 1  to describe the ideal world, one without the frustrating problems.  By clearly defining both the problematic world and the ideal world, the Type 1 reveals the gap between the two.  Remember, this is their vision, not yours.  Your job is to listen and understand—doing so allows you to build rapport and trust.

[Slide 5 – Type 2]

It’s easy to build rapport with people who go out of their way to build rapport with you. Enneagram Type 2s have heart, and want to connect with you at an emotional level.  How do they do that? By helping you.

Enneagram Type 2s want appreciation from those around them. The desire for appreciation compels them to seek ways to help others in return for that appreciation.

So, what’s the easiest way to build rapport with Type 2?  Appreciate them! Type 2s are capable of receiving boundless amounts of gratitude. Try it yourself. I’ve never found a limit. This is the key to building rapport and trust with Type 2.

[Slide 6 – Type 3]

Enneagram Type 3 tends to minimize attention to emotions and feelings, both their own and the feelings of others.  Clearly, building rapport on an emotional level is not the best approach with the 3.

They do want to succeed and appear successful.  And, therein lies the key to rapport building with Type 3s.

Enneagram Type 3s are highly conscious of appearances and will respond well to mirroring. They like to surround themselves with achievement-oriented people who exhibit trappings of success—nice clothes, nice car, nice job, etc.   Mirroring these signs of success while demonstrating your own ability to work hard and achieve success will put you in good stead with the 3.

Also, recognizing and acknowledging the 3 for their successes that they’ve achieved is a key to building rapport with Type 3.

[Slide 7 – Type 4]

Enneagram Type 4 has the innate ability to “feel” the emotional content of the world, both what is present and also what is missing.  Having conversations about feelings is when rapport building takes place with Type 4.

Mirroring with Type 4 requires conversations about feelings. In some environments and situations, conversations about feelings are not welcome. For Type 4s, those settings can be stifling.  Social conversations that focus only on positivity and superficiality will not seem genuine to the 4.  They yearn for something deeper.  And, herein lies your opportunity to build rapport and trust with Type 4s—by finding the time to  share your own feelings.   Type 4 will often express deep empathy and provide unique perspectives on your situation. Acknowledging and appreciating these gifts is a key step to building rapport with Type 4.

[Slide 8 – Type 5]

For Type 5s, acquiring information and knowledge makes them feel safe.  They are drawn to unorthodox topics that require profound knowledge.  They enjoy immersing themselves deeply in the subject matter.

Engaging in conversations about the subject in which they are expert is when rapport building takes place with Type 5. Sharing any specialized knowledge that you have on the subject will be especially compelling for them.

While they are capable of acquiring vast amounts of data and knowledge, they often have trouble distilling it down to make a decision.  This is compounded by their desire to not be wrong.  Helping the 5 sort through the data to make safe decisions are conversations that the 5 appreciates and a great way to build rapport.

[Slide 9 – Type 6]

More than any other Enneagram type, Type 6 is beset with feelings of anxiety.  Like a thermometer in their gut, the anxiety temperature is low when things go according to plan.  But, when things don’t, the anxiety temperature rises. When building rapport with Type 6, it is best to approach them in their calm state. Otherwise, anxiety can make them confrontational and mask their ability to make meaningful and trusting connections.

Reflecting back concern about the future and discussing probabilities for different outcomes are topics  of great interest to Type 6. They value these conversations and your participation is an excellent rapport building technique.

[Slide 10 – Type 7]

Wanna have some fun?  Find an Enneagram Type 7!  Type 7s like being around other people, and others like being around them. Type 7s make it easy to build rapport.

Enneagram Type 7s want to keep things light and fun. Engaging with Type 7 in fun conversations and activities is a great way to build rapport with them.   Type 7s want to be liked, so demonstrating that you like them is also a great way to build rapport.

[Slide 11 – Type 8]

Just get to the point.  To communicate effectively with Enneagram Type 8 you must be succinct.  If they want more details, they’ll ask.  Letting them lead the conversation will create the environment for building rapport and trust.

Enneagram Type 8s prefer action to talking.   The Type 8 characteristics to reflect back to Type 8 include getting to the point, being direct, and acting decisively. Demonstrating these characteristics is an excellent rapport building strategy. They respect others with their same style and by reflecting back to them that direct, to-the-point style you can build rapport with Type 8.

[Slide 12 – Type 9]

When a situation calls for an abundance of patience, understanding and empathy, turn to Enneagram Type 9 for guidance. Masters of de-escalation, Type 9 strives to reduce conflict. Therein lies the key to building rapport and trust.

Enneagram Type 9s have the ability to understand everyone else’s perspective.  How do they do that?  Type 9s tend to be on the quiet side.  Rather than talking, they focus on listening.  By listening, they absorb everyone’s opinions and perspectives. Doing so gives them the ability to put themselves in other’s shoes and to intuit and predict how others will react in a given situation.

Enneagram Type 9 strives to minimize conflict and appreciates those that do the same. Reflecting back empathy and a consideration of others’ perspectives is an important rapport building strategy with Type 9.

[Slide 13 – Quiz]

In order to effectively reflect back the Enneagram style of others, it is very helpful to understand your own style.

Once you know your own style, then you will know what aspects to share and which to suppress as you are reflecting back the styles of others.

For instance, being a Type 6 myself, I like to think things through and ask lots of questions.  These behaviors can frustrate and anger Type 8, so in my interactions with Type 8s I work to check these tendencies.

Also, I tend to couch my conclusions into context.  My typical conversations start with the context and end with the conclusion as the punchline. Knowing that 8s just want me to get to the point, I flip this style on its head.  I start with the punchline and only explain the context if asked.  Often the 8 will have already figured out the context, and explaining that first is just wasting their time.  I’ve found this an important rapport building technique with the Type 8s in my life.

If you are interested in discovering your own Enneagram type, a good first step is to take a questionnaire. You are welcome to take the complimentary quiz at enneasurvey.com.

Also, I published a series of blogs on building rapport with each Enneagram type.  You can find the links to these blogs in the notes of this video.

Thanks so much for listening.

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