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Enneagram Compatibility — Which Types Click?

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Having practiced with the Enneagram for over 20 years, I have observed which Enneagram types are naturally attracted to one another and which work well together.  While I focus on using the Enneagram as a tool for change management and work team effectiveness, I can’t help but notice type compatibility spills over into our personal lives, among friends, family and acquaintances.  The compatibility patterns persist whether at work or not.  Here are some of my observations about Enneagram compatibility with romantic partners.

You Complete Me

While using the Enneagram as a problem-solving tool as I describe in chapter 2 of Teamwork 9.0, I make the point that each type can get stuck in the respective step in problem solving. In other words, Type 1 gets stuck in Step 1, Type 2 gets stuck in Step 2, and so on.  To get unstuck, it is helpful to cooperate with someone whose type is the next number higher than you own.  For instance, I am Type 6, and when I need to get people enthused about an idea or plan that I have, I work with a Type 7 who is great at helping me with that.

In romantic relationships, I have found that these adjacent pairs also form compatible romantic partners.  I can’t help but notice that there appears to be a gender component associated with these pairs.  I find that women of Type X seem to be attracted to men of Type X+1.  Case in point, my wife is Type 5, and I am Type 6. My mother is Type 6, and my father is Type 7.  Our neighbors are a Type 7 (woman)—Type 8 (man) pair. I know examples of Type 8 women with Type 9 men, Type 9 women with Type 1 men, and so on.  In my monthly Enneagram Studies workshop, a Type 2 woman and Type 3 man couple as well as a Type 3 woman and Type 4 man couple attend frequently. If the Enneagram dynamic of the next higher type is one of the hardest for any type to access, then the X, X+1 combination forms a complementary pair that works well in romantic partnerships and occurs frequently in practice.

Harmony Triads

The Harmony Triads, popularized by Dr. David Daniels, are triple combinations of Types 1-4-7, 2-5-8 and 3-6-9.  I find that members of these triads often coalesce in the workplace to form teams; so much so that in chapter 7 of Teamwork 9.0 I call these groups the Work Team Triads.  I find that members of these triads often form compatible romantic partnerships as well.  I frequently see Type 1 women with Type 7 men; Type 8 women with either Type 2 or Type 5 men; and all combinations of Type 3, 6 and 9 men and women.  It is a safe bet that if you are with someone who is a member of your Harmony Triad, you will get along well. I developed a hypothesis for the biological reason why these combinations work well together—you can find details in Teamwork 9.0 chapter 7.

Other Enneagram Compatibility Pairs

Other romantic pairs I have frequently observed are the Type 4 woman with a Type 8 man, and the Type 8 woman with the Type 6 man.  Type 1s pair with Type 5s in either gender combination. Even same-type pairs can be compatible, like two Type 9s, two Type 1s, or two Type 5s—birds of feather flock together!

Another interesting pair I know is a Type 1 woman with a Type 8 man.  I suspect that the success of this combination may be related to the X, X+1 pairing.  As the Type 1 woman moves to integration her behaviors resemble the 7 which is one number lower than the Type 8 man.  When the Type 8 man moves to integration, he behaves like a Type 2, which is one number higher than the Type 1 woman.  Even when both are in their insecure states, the woman moves to Type 4 and the man moves to Type 5, again another X, X+1 combination.

Ups and Downs

No combination or Enneagram types forms a perfect pair, and every relationship will have its ups and downs.  The Enneagram gives us clues about what’s important to your partner’s type and how to adapt your own type to get along with your partner.  The Enneagram also gives us clues about which combinations form complementary pairs like the X, X+1 pairs and the pairs within the Harmony triads.

What Enneagram types do you feel most compatible with, both in your personal and professional life? How have you used the Enneagram to improve your relationships?  Have you used the Enneagram to identify a compatible romantic partner?

What? — The Enneagram is also a Change Management Process?

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Did you know that the Enneagram can also be used as a change management system? Many know the Enneagram as a personality system, but that is just scratching the surface of this remarkably powerful tool.   In this video, I explain how I discovered the Enneagram approach to change management and organizational problem solving.  I have used this approach with clients, and it is so effective and powerful I was compelled to write the book Teamwork 9.0 and share how the Enneagram serves as a change management system.

Excerpt from Teamwork 9.0

My exploration of Enneagram-based problem solving began with a simple question: The Enneagram numbers imply an order, so why is the Perfectionist the 1, the Helper 2, the Achiever 3, and so on? The order seemed arbitrary. For instance, why couldn’t the whole circle be rotated so that the Perfectionist is Type 3? I asked one of my Enneagram mentors, who told me that the specific order of the Enneagram types is important and referred me to a book by Klausbernd Vollmar.

Vollmar’s book, titled The Secret of Enneagrams: Mapping the Personality, asserts that the Enneagram describes flows of energies. He goes on to explain that there is a specific sequence to those energy flows in the numerical order of the Enneagram types.

Having a background in science and engineering, I have used many different problem-solving methods; for example, the scientific method. I noticed a pattern between the steps in problem-solving methods and the numerical order of the dynamics of the Enneagram. The Enneagram numbers describe the order of the steps by which humans solve problems. With that epiphany, the number assignments on the Enneagram now made perfect sense.

Using the language of problem solving, the dynamics associated with each Enneagram type can be described as follows:

Step 1: Problem-Goal. Identify the problems, define the goals.

Step 2: Stakeholder Identification. Recruit a committed team.

Step 3: Ideation. Generate ideas for solutions.

Step 4: Emotional Reaction. Assess reactions to each of the ideas.

Step 5: Logical Analysis. Study and score promising ideas.

Step 6: Planning. Select the most promising idea and build an action plan.

Step 7: Promotion. Passionately promote the plan, get approval to proceed.

Step 8: Implementation. Execute the plan, solve the problem!

Step 9: Integration. Confirm the problem is solved with all stakeholders.

Using the Enneagram as a framework for solving problems highlights how each Enneagram type is attuned to a particular step in the problem-solving process. There is a one-to-one mapping between the Enneagram types and the steps in the process. It seems that humans instinctively know how to solve problems as a team, and the Enneagram describes that methodology.

Do you use a structured approach to organizational development and organization change management?  How does your change management approach link team members’ interpersonal dynamics with the change management process?  How have you incorporated continuous improvement into your change management system?

[Video Transcript]

I had a question. Why is the Enneagram Type 1, the 1? Why is Type 2, the 2? And so on. Why couldn’t Type 1 be the 7, and Type 5 be the 3? It turns out that the number assignment is not arbitrary. There’s a specific reason for that order. The numbers represent the order of a process. In fact, it’s the order in which humans solve problems. The problem solving nature of the Enneagram is described by the outer circle. Each of the nine Enneagram dynamics describes a specific step in problem solving. This use of the Enneagram is not commonly known or understood, which is why I was compelled to write my book, Teamwork 9.0, and share my discovery with you here.

The aspect I love about this problem-solving framework is that there’s a direct link between each step in problem solving to a specific personality dynamic that is particularly suited for that step. Now more than ever, organizations are being challenged with threats that require everyone in the organization to collaborate and find new ways to survive and thrive working on the business, not just in the business. Using a step-by-step approach to problem solving, you can get your team to focus on the challenges and invent a new path forward.

Thanks so much for listening. If you like this, please leave a comment and share it with others. And please subscribe to the channel and stay tuned for the next episode. Thanks again.

Get It Right! — Intrinsic Motivation of Enneagram Type 1

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When precision and accuracy are a must, look to Enneagram Type 1 to lead the way.  Type 1s are focused on getting it right(!) and are drawn to roles that reward this behavior. Unsure why Type 1s do this?  Don’t be frustrated, this video explains the underlying motivation of Type 1 behaviors.

Excerpt from Teamwork 9.0

As the internal anger type, Enneagram Type 1s have an inner critical voice that guides their strong sense of right and wrong. They are alert to problems, and their inner voice persistently reminds them of what should and shouldn’t be. This internal critic drives 1s to examine a problem in excruciating detail and provides a clear vision of what the world should look like once the problem is solved.

Type 1 is the ideal type for leading Step 1, in which the team defines the problem. The 1s persist in examining a problem until it is completely understood. Once the problem description is complete, they can then turn to envisioning the beautiful world in which the problem is eliminated. This vision serves as the destination for the team—the goal for the problem-solving effort.

Do you value precision and accuracy? Are you drawn to roles that require great attention to detail?  Is getting it “right” often your most important consideration, and do you become frustrated if others don’t agree? Do others rely on you to take care of the details?

[Video Transcript]

All right. So next is the Type 1. So now you have the Type 8 in your mind with that external anger, now imagine the anger is focused inward. Now if you ask a Type 1, “Do you relate to anger?” They’ll probably say no, but how that anger comes out for the 1 is more like frustration. And for the 1 there is a voice inside of their head that is just telling them, “That’s not right, it shouldn’t be that way, it should be this way.”

And that voice, again, it’s informed by their intuition, and it’s telling them what’s right and what’s wrong, and then it’s compelling them to work to get it right. So that’s the underlying motivation for the 1, they want to get it right. The 1 is often called the perfectionist because they are so focused on getting it right, they will work and work and work and work and work on it until, to all the rest of us it’s like oh my God, that’s like totally done but the 1 is still seeing, well, it’s not quite right yet.

So 1s are drawn to roles that require precision and accuracy, and that’s a very comfortable space for them. You often see them… Whereas a Type 8 might be in the CEO/COO role, the Type 1 seems to go into the CFO role where they can focus on lots of data and then make sure that the numbers are exactly right.

Another great example for the Type 1 is a surgeon, right? If you’re going to be having brain surgery, you want a Type 1 to be doing it because you want them to get it exactly right. You don’t want the Type 8 thing—oh, you know what, that’s good enough. You want the Type 1, like, I’m going to keep working on it until it’s exactly right.

Thanks so much for listening. If you liked this, please leave a comment and share it with others, and please subscribe to the channel and stay tuned for the next episode. Thanks again.

How the Enneagram Helps You with Your Clients and Customers

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business consulting

Knowing your client’s Enneagram type enables you to understand what’s important to them so that you can better serve them. Honored to be featured in Fred Nicolaus’ article in Business of Home Magazine in which we explore the application of the Enneagram to working with clients during home design projects.

You can find the article here:

https://businessofhome.com/boh/article/could-a-personality-test-help-you-assess-your-client-s-quirks

 

Appreciation — Intrinsic Motivation of Enneagram Type 2

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Do you raise your hand to volunteer even before you know what is being asked of you? If so, you may be Enneagram Type 2.  Type 2s strive to help others and are often drawn to service roles that center on providing assistance.  This video provides a peak behind the curtain of what motivates the 2’s desire to help others.

Excerpt from Teamwork 9.0

Being the external emotion type, Enneagram Type 2 energy is focused on helping others. During Step 2 in problem solving, the 2 will know instinctively who will benefit from a successful outcome of the problem-solving venture. The people involved in that venture, both actors and beneficiaries, are collectively the stakeholders in the project. Type 2s can build emotional bonds with the stakeholders, connecting them emotionally and viscerally to the project. The 2 is the ideal person to take the lead during this phase of the project and build the relationships necessary for the ultimate success of the problem-solving initiative.

Do you go out of your way to help others?  Do you expect thanks when you help others, or is appreciation not that important?  Do you find yourself focusing more on the people affected by a problem than the problem itself? How do you feel when you do not receive appreciation for assistance you provide?

[Video Transcript]

The external feelings Type 2 wants to have an emotional connection with you. So, that’s the external part, right? It’s building an emotional bond with other people and what they’re after is to receive appreciation. So, that’s the underlying motivator for the 2. As they’re building these connections, their go-to dynamic is to figure out what people need and then try to give it to them in a way that they can receive appreciation. And for 2s, appreciation is like oxygen. So, how long can you go without oxygen? Not very long. So, you need to keep breathing to get that oxygen. Well, the 2s need to keep helping to get that appreciation.

So, they’re constantly looking for ways to help. One time I asked a group of people, “so who here feels like they need alone time?” And then everybody says, “yeah, yeah, yeah”. And so, then I asked the 2, “so do you need alone time too?” And the 2 said, “oh yeah, I do”. And so, then I asked, “when was the last time you were alone?” And then, thinking it’s like, “oh I was alone a couple of days ago,” and oh, okay. So, for how long? Says, “yeah, I had just pretty much had it with the kids and then I just had to get out of the house for 30 minutes”. So for the 2, being away from other people, being away from having emotional connections with people, 30 minutes seems like a long time. As opposed to, say, the Type 5 can be a way for 2 years. And it’s like, oh yeah, I’m still good.

So, there’s just like these different levels of need to be connected and the 2s are just constantly. Another thing about the 2s is boundaries because they need to have these close connections, they kind of lose sense of the space in between people. And so, you kind of might feel like they’re crowding into your space. They don’t even understand that. They don’t even realize it. It doesn’t even register. They can’t get close enough to you. So, that is one of the things with 2s.

So, you see them migrate to jobs where they can help people all the time. They’ll go into, say, sales roles where they can find out what people need, give it to them, and get appreciation; or nursing; or teaching. Also, service roles, like being in the (military) service. Imagine you’re in the service and you’re a 2 and you’re on leave; you’re walking down an airport in the public; you’re wearing your uniform. What does everybody do? “Thank you for your service.” All that appreciation. They just can walk down and just absorb all that appreciation. Perfect job for a 2.

Thanks so much for listening. If you like this, please leave a comment and share it with others. And please subscribe to the channel and stay tuned for the next episode. Thanks again.

 

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