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Building Rapport

How to Build Rapport with the Enneagram and Mirroring

July 30, 2020 by Matt Schlegel Leave a Comment

I recently participated in an amazing online conference, the Kindness Matters Conference 2020.  I gave a talk on how to use the Enneagram to build rapport with your workmates:

During Q&A, we had a conversation with Rhonda Delaney who is Enneagram Type 8. She made insightful comments how to communicate effectively with a Type 8:

https://youtu.be/JfqV8eB6zr4?t=11901

Also, we discussed the power of the Enneagram for use with sales teams and how to use it to get along with your boss, especially your Enneagram Type 8 boss! Working with Type 8s is a common discussion topic at workshops, so these comments were very much appreciated:

https://youtu.be/JfqV8eB6zr4?t=12168

Here we discuss how the Enneagram gives us permission to be ourselves, to accept ourselves for who we are, and to accept others for who they are:

https://youtu.be/JfqV8eB6zr4?t=12478

After my presentation is completed, Rhonda Delaney gives her talk on leadership.  If you want to hear more about leadership from the Enneagram Type 8 perspective, you can enjoy that here:

https://youtu.be/JfqV8eB6zr4?t=12868

Here is the transcript of my talk:

[Slide 1 – Title Slide]

Thank you for the opportunity to speak with you today on the important topic of building empathy, kindness, and compassion in the workplace and in the world.  I feel that this topic is as important now as it has ever been in my lifetime.

And, it’s more important than ever that we learn to welcome a diversity of styles among our friends, family and teammates.

In my talk today, I will share with you a tool called the Enneagram that I use for building rapport and trust with others who have different styles than my own.

[Slide 2 – About]

I have an education in electrical engineering.  I was trained to lead electrons, not people. But as I advanced in my career, I realized the key to success was more about team effectiveness than designing circuits.

Ten years into my engineering career, my boss said that he was promoting me to manager. I was shocked. I knew nothing about managing people.  He said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

Well, I wasn’t fine. I was worried.  And I did what any good engineer would do.  I studied the problem.  I got my hands on every book on leadership and teamwork I could find, and read as much as possible.

It was at this time, I discovered a tool called the Enneagram.  I thought the Enneagram was just another personality system like others I’d experienced, like Myers Briggs or DISC.  And, being the engineer that I am, I liked to take these systems apart see what works  well, what doesn’t,  find the best parts, and keep ‘em and use ‘em.

The Enneagram was different from the others. No matter how much I tried to break it, I couldn’t.  That made me ever more curious about the system, and led me on a journey of discovery that inspired me to develop the novel teamwork tools based on the Enneagram that I am sharing in my recently published book Teamwork 9.0.

[Slide 3 – The Enneagram]

The Enneagram is commonly used as a personality dynamics system. The system describes nine distinct behavioral dynamics.  It’s extremely useful and valuable for understanding yourself, your friends, family and team members, and the interpersonal dynamics that occur.

The Enneagram’s use as a personality system was popularized by Oscar Ichazo in the 50s and later by Claudio Naranjo in the 70s.  The Enneagram draws on the wisdom of ancient traditions going back to ancient Greece and Egypt.

More recently, I’ve noticed that the Enneagram has become very popular with Millennials.  There are a number of great sites on YouTube and Instagram where communities are sharing their Enneagram experiences.

Today, I will be sharing how to build rapport with others using a technique called mirroring, with an Enneagram twist.

[Slide 4 – Mirroring]

Mirroring is a phenomenon that occurs when we communicate with others—it’s a natural rapport-building mechanism by which we reflect back verbal and nonverbal cues.  Those cues include posture, arm placement and speech patterns, among others.

Have you ever noticed during a conversation that you’ve positioned your body in the mirror image of the other person?  That’s mirroring in action. Mirroring is the way we tell the other person, “Hey, I’m like you; we’re birds of a feather.” It’s our instinctual method for building rapport.

At an Enneagram workshop I conducted, I asked the group to think about their best friends in high school, and guess-what-Enneagram type they were.  As we went around the room, we discovered a pattern—most everyone concluded that their best friend was the same Enneagram type as themselves.

It’s easy to build rapport with someone when you are reflecting back their Enneagram style. Knowing the power of mirroring, why not use this technique deliberately and consciously for building rapport? By knowing each of the 9 distinct Enneagram styles, you can adjust your own style to better match that of the person with whom you are building rapport.

[Slide 4 – Type 1]

In order to mirror, there must be something to reflect.   Listening is the most important of rapport build skills.

Enneagram Type 1 is often called the Perfectionist.  They’re frequently the first type to point out that things aren’t right, aren’t as they should be.

How do you get Type 1s to start talking?  How about with this question, “Is something wrong?”  Since there’s always something wrong, this simple question will get the conversation going. To build rapport as you listen, it’s important to acknowledge the problems the 1 identifies.  Don’t object. Don’t correct. Don’t deflect. Just listen and acknowledge.

Another question to ask Type 1s is, “How should things be.” Type 1s have a strong innate sense of how the world should be. Encourage your Type 1  to describe the ideal world, one without the frustrating problems.  By clearly defining both the problematic world and the ideal world, the Type 1 reveals the gap between the two.  Remember, this is their vision, not yours.  Your job is to listen and understand—doing so allows you to build rapport and trust.

[Slide 5 – Type 2]

It’s easy to build rapport with people who go out of their way to build rapport with you. Enneagram Type 2s have heart, and want to connect with you at an emotional level.  How do they do that? By helping you.

Enneagram Type 2s want appreciation from those around them. The desire for appreciation compels them to seek ways to help others in return for that appreciation.

So, what’s the easiest way to build rapport with Type 2?  Appreciate them! Type 2s are capable of receiving boundless amounts of gratitude. Try it yourself. I’ve never found a limit. This is the key to building rapport and trust with Type 2.

[Slide 6 – Type 3]

Enneagram Type 3s tend to minimize attention to emotions and feelings, both their own and the feelings of others.  Clearly, building rapport on an emotional level is not the best approach with the 3.

They do want to succeed and appear successful.  And, therein lies the key to building rapport with Type 3s.

Enneagram Type 3s are highly conscious of appearances and will respond well to mirroring. They like to surround themselves with achievement-oriented people who exhibit trappings of success—nice clothes, nice car, nice job, etc.   Mirroring these signs of success while demonstrating your own ability to work hard and achieve success will put you in good stead with the 3.

Also, recognizing and acknowledging the 3 for their successes that they’ve achieved is a key to building rapport with Type 3.

[Slide 7 – Type 4]

Enneagram Type 4 has the innate ability to “feel” the emotional content of the world, both what is present and also what’s missing.  Having conversations about feelings is when rapport building takes place with Type 4.

Mirroring with Type 4 requires conversations about feelings. In some environments and situations, conversations about feelings are not welcome. For Type 4s, those settings can be stifling.  Social conversations that focus only on positivity and superficiality will not seem genuine to the 4.  They yearn for something deeper.  And, herein lies your opportunity to build rapport with Type 4s—by finding the time to  share your own feelings.   Type 4 will often express deep empathy and provide unique perspectives on your situation. Acknowledging and appreciating these gifts is a key step to building rapport with Type 4.

[Slide 8 – Type 5]

For Type 5s, acquiring information and knowledge makes them feel safe.  They are drawn to unorthodox topics that require profound knowledge.  They enjoy immersing themselves deeply in the subject matter.

Engaging in conversations about the subject in which they are expert is when rapport building takes place with Type 5. Sharing any specialized knowledge that you have on the subject will be especially compelling for them.

While they are capable of acquiring vast amounts of data and knowledge, they often have trouble distilling it down to make a decision.  This is compounded by their desire to not be wrong.  Helping the 5 sort through the data to make safe decisions are conversations that the 5 appreciates and a great way to build rapport.

[Slide 9 – Type 6]

More than any other Enneagram type, Type 6 is beset with feelings of anxiety.  Like a thermometer in their gut, the anxiety temperature is low when things are going according to plan.  But, when things don’t, their anxiety temperature rises. When building rapport with Type 6, it is best to approach them when they are in their calm state. Otherwise, anxiety can make them confrontational and mask their ability to make meaningful and trusting connections.

Reflecting back concern about the future and discussing probabilities for different outcomes are topics of great interest to Type 6. They value these conversations and your participation is an excellent rapport building technique.

[Slide 10 – Type 7]

Wanna have some fun?  Find an Enneagram Type 7!  Type 7s like being around other people, and others like being around them. Type 7s make it easy to build rapport.

Enneagram Type 7s want to keep things light and fun. Engaging with Type 7 in fun conversations and activities is a great way to build rapport with them.   Type 7s want to be liked, so demonstrating that you like them is important to building rapport.

[Slide 11 – Type 8]

Just get to the point.  To communicate effectively with Enneagram Type 8 you must be succinct.  If they want more details, they’ll ask.  Letting them lead the conversation will create the environment for building rapport and trust.

Enneagram Type 8s prefer action to talking.   The Type 8 characteristics to reflect back to Type 8 include getting to the point, being direct, and acting decisively. Demonstrating these characteristics is an excellent rapport building strategy. They respect others with their same style and by reflecting back to them that direct, to-the-point approach you can build rapport with Type 8.

[Slide 12 – Type 9]

When a situation calls for an abundance of patience-understanding-and-empathy, turn to Enneagram Type 9 for guidance. Masters of de-escalation, Type 9 strives to reduce conflict. Therein lies the key to building rapport and trust.

Enneagram Type 9s have the ability to understand everyone else’s perspective.  How do they do that?  Type 9s tend to be on the quiet side.  Rather than talking, they focus on listening.  By listening, they absorb everyone’s opinions and perspectives. Doing so gives them the ability to put themselves in other’s shoes and to intuit and predict how others will react in a given situation.

Enneagram Type 9s strive to minimize conflict and appreciates those that do the same. Reflecting back empathy and a consideration of others’ perspectives is an important rapport building strategy with Type 9.

[Slide 13 – Quiz]

In order to effectively reflect back the Enneagram style of others, it is very helpful to understand your own style.

Once you know your own style, then you will know what aspects to share and which to suppress as you are reflecting back the styles of others.

For instance, being a Type 6 myself, I like to think things through and ask lots of questions.  These behaviors can frustrate and anger Type 8, so in my interactions with Type 8s I work to check these tendencies.

Also, I tend to couch my conclusions into context.  My typical conversations start with the context and end with the conclusion as the punchline. Knowing that 8s just want me to get to the point, I flip this style on its head.  I start with the punchline and only explain the context if asked.  Often the 8 will have already figured out the context, and explaining that first is just wasting their time.  I’ve found this an important rapport building technique with the Type 8s in my life.

If you are interested in discovering your own Enneagram type, a good first step is to take a questionnaire. You are welcome to take the complimentary quiz at www.enneasurvey.com.

[Slide 14 – Blogs]

Also, I published a series of blogs on building rapport with each Enneagram type.  I have included the links to those blogs in this presentation for reference.

[Slide 15 – Teamwork 9.0]

Also, I have included some resources about my book Teamwork 9.0 here in the presentation.

We have some time if anyone has a question.

Thanks so much for your interest in this topic and for your participation today.

 

 

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Enneagram, Workshop

How to Build Rapport using the Enneagram

July 14, 2020 by Matt Schlegel Leave a Comment

This is a video of an abbreviated version of a talk I gave at the 2020 Kindness Matters Conference.  I share how to build rapport using the Enneagram.  This guide will help you build relationships with people who have different Enneagram styles than your own, promoting style diversity.

https://youtu.be/C4CY1YVWBHw

Here is a transcript of the talk:

[Slide 1 – Title Slide]

It’s more important than ever that we learn to welcome a diversity of styles among our friends, family and teammates.

In this talk, I will share with you a tool called the Enneagram that I use for building rapport and trust with others who have different styles than my own.

[Slide 2 – The Enneagram]

The Enneagram is commonly used as a personality dynamics system. The system describes nine distinct behavioral dynamics.  It’s extremely useful and valuable for understanding yourself, your friends, family and team members, and the interpersonal dynamics that occur.

Today, I will be sharing how to build rapport with others using a technique called mirroring, with an Enneagram twist.

[Slide 3 – Mirroring]

Mirroring is a phenomenon that occurs when we communicate with others—it’s a natural rapport-building mechanism by which we reflect back verbal and nonverbal cues.  Those cues include posture, arm placement and speech patterns, among others.

Have you ever noticed during a conversation that you’ve positioned your body in the mirror image of the other person?  That’s mirroring in action. Mirroring is the way we tell the other person, “Hey, I’m like you; we’re birds of a feather.” It’s our instinctual method for building rapport.

At an Enneagram workshop I conducted, I asked the group to think about their best friends in high school and guess what Enneagram type they were.  As we went around the room, we discovered a pattern—most everyone concluded that their best friend was the same Enneagram type as themselves.

It’s easy to build rapport with someone when you are reflecting back their Enneagram style. Knowing the power of mirroring, why not use this technique deliberately and consciously for building rapport? By knowing each of the 9 distinct Enneagram styles, you can adjust your own style to better match that of the person with whom you are building rapport.

Let’s step through each Enneagram Type

[Slide 4 – Type 1]

In order to mirror, there must be something to reflect.   Listening is the most important of rapport build skills.

Enneagram Type 1 is often called the Perfectionist.  They’re frequently the first type to point out that things aren’t right, aren’t as they should be.

How do you get Type 1s to start talking?  How about with this question, “Is something wrong?”  Since there’s always something wrong, this simple question will get the conversation going. To build rapport as you listen, it’s important to acknowledge the problems the 1 identifies.  Don’t object. Don’t correct. Don’t deflect. Just listen and acknowledge.

Another question to ask Type 1s is, “How should things be.” Type 1s have a strong innate sense of how the world should be. Encourage your Type 1  to describe the ideal world, one without the frustrating problems.  By clearly defining both the problematic world and the ideal world, the Type 1 reveals the gap between the two.  Remember, this is their vision, not yours.  Your job is to listen and understand—doing so allows you to build rapport and trust.

[Slide 5 – Type 2]

It’s easy to build rapport with people who go out of their way to build rapport with you. Enneagram Type 2s have heart, and want to connect with you at an emotional level.  How do they do that? By helping you.

Enneagram Type 2s want appreciation from those around them. The desire for appreciation compels them to seek ways to help others in return for that appreciation.

So, what’s the easiest way to build rapport with Type 2?  Appreciate them! Type 2s are capable of receiving boundless amounts of gratitude. Try it yourself. I’ve never found a limit. This is the key to building rapport and trust with Type 2.

[Slide 6 – Type 3]

Enneagram Type 3 tends to minimize attention to emotions and feelings, both their own and the feelings of others.  Clearly, building rapport on an emotional level is not the best approach with the 3.

They do want to succeed and appear successful.  And, therein lies the key to rapport building with Type 3s.

Enneagram Type 3s are highly conscious of appearances and will respond well to mirroring. They like to surround themselves with achievement-oriented people who exhibit trappings of success—nice clothes, nice car, nice job, etc.   Mirroring these signs of success while demonstrating your own ability to work hard and achieve success will put you in good stead with the 3.

Also, recognizing and acknowledging the 3 for their successes that they’ve achieved is a key to building rapport with Type 3.

[Slide 7 – Type 4]

Enneagram Type 4 has the innate ability to “feel” the emotional content of the world, both what is present and also what is missing.  Having conversations about feelings is when rapport building takes place with Type 4.

Mirroring with Type 4 requires conversations about feelings. In some environments and situations, conversations about feelings are not welcome. For Type 4s, those settings can be stifling.  Social conversations that focus only on positivity and superficiality will not seem genuine to the 4.  They yearn for something deeper.  And, herein lies your opportunity to build rapport and trust with Type 4s—by finding the time to  share your own feelings.   Type 4 will often express deep empathy and provide unique perspectives on your situation. Acknowledging and appreciating these gifts is a key step to building rapport with Type 4.

[Slide 8 – Type 5]

For Type 5s, acquiring information and knowledge makes them feel safe.  They are drawn to unorthodox topics that require profound knowledge.  They enjoy immersing themselves deeply in the subject matter.

Engaging in conversations about the subject in which they are expert is when rapport building takes place with Type 5. Sharing any specialized knowledge that you have on the subject will be especially compelling for them.

While they are capable of acquiring vast amounts of data and knowledge, they often have trouble distilling it down to make a decision.  This is compounded by their desire to not be wrong.  Helping the 5 sort through the data to make safe decisions are conversations that the 5 appreciates and a great way to build rapport.

[Slide 9 – Type 6]

More than any other Enneagram type, Type 6 is beset with feelings of anxiety.  Like a thermometer in their gut, the anxiety temperature is low when things go according to plan.  But, when things don’t, the anxiety temperature rises. When building rapport with Type 6, it is best to approach them in their calm state. Otherwise, anxiety can make them confrontational and mask their ability to make meaningful and trusting connections.

Reflecting back concern about the future and discussing probabilities for different outcomes are topics  of great interest to Type 6. They value these conversations and your participation is an excellent rapport building technique.

[Slide 10 – Type 7]

Wanna have some fun?  Find an Enneagram Type 7!  Type 7s like being around other people, and others like being around them. Type 7s make it easy to build rapport.

Enneagram Type 7s want to keep things light and fun. Engaging with Type 7 in fun conversations and activities is a great way to build rapport with them.   Type 7s want to be liked, so demonstrating that you like them is also a great way to build rapport.

[Slide 11 – Type 8]

Just get to the point.  To communicate effectively with Enneagram Type 8 you must be succinct.  If they want more details, they’ll ask.  Letting them lead the conversation will create the environment for building rapport and trust.

Enneagram Type 8s prefer action to talking.   The Type 8 characteristics to reflect back to Type 8 include getting to the point, being direct, and acting decisively. Demonstrating these characteristics is an excellent rapport building strategy. They respect others with their same style and by reflecting back to them that direct, to-the-point style you can build rapport with Type 8.

[Slide 12 – Type 9]

When a situation calls for an abundance of patience, understanding and empathy, turn to Enneagram Type 9 for guidance. Masters of de-escalation, Type 9 strives to reduce conflict. Therein lies the key to building rapport and trust.

Enneagram Type 9s have the ability to understand everyone else’s perspective.  How do they do that?  Type 9s tend to be on the quiet side.  Rather than talking, they focus on listening.  By listening, they absorb everyone’s opinions and perspectives. Doing so gives them the ability to put themselves in other’s shoes and to intuit and predict how others will react in a given situation.

Enneagram Type 9 strives to minimize conflict and appreciates those that do the same. Reflecting back empathy and a consideration of others’ perspectives is an important rapport building strategy with Type 9.

[Slide 13 – Quiz]

In order to effectively reflect back the Enneagram style of others, it is very helpful to understand your own style.

Once you know your own style, then you will know what aspects to share and which to suppress as you are reflecting back the styles of others.

For instance, being a Type 6 myself, I like to think things through and ask lots of questions.  These behaviors can frustrate and anger Type 8, so in my interactions with Type 8s I work to check these tendencies.

Also, I tend to couch my conclusions into context.  My typical conversations start with the context and end with the conclusion as the punchline. Knowing that 8s just want me to get to the point, I flip this style on its head.  I start with the punchline and only explain the context if asked.  Often the 8 will have already figured out the context, and explaining that first is just wasting their time.  I’ve found this an important rapport building technique with the Type 8s in my life.

If you are interested in discovering your own Enneagram type, a good first step is to take a questionnaire. You are welcome to take the complimentary quiz at enneasurvey.com.

Also, I published a series of blogs on building rapport with each Enneagram type.  You can find the links to these blogs in the notes of this video.

Thanks so much for listening.

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Enneagram

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 9 Teammates

June 10, 2020 by Matt Schlegel Leave a Comment

When a situation calls for an abundance of patience, understanding and empathy, turn to your Enneagram Type 9 teammates for guidance. Masters of de-escalation, Type 9 strives to reduce conflict. Therein lies the key to building rapport and trust with Type 9.

Two Ears, One Mouth

Enneagram Type 9s have the ability to understand everyone else’s perspective.  How do they do that?  Type 9s tend to be on the quiet side.  Rather than talking, they focus on listening.  By listening, they absorb everyone’s opinions and perspectives. Doing so gives them the ability to put themselves in other’s shoes and to intuit and predict how others will react in a given situation. 

Mirroring 9.0

As discussed in this 5/8/20 blog,  mirroring is one of the most important rapport building skills.  Enneagram Type 9 strives to minimize conflict and appreciates those that do the same. Reflecting back empathy and a consideration of others’ perspectives is an important rapport building strategy with Type 9. Though it may not be apparent, Type 9s are driven by anger.  At the core of the Enneagram intuition-anger center, Type 9s suppress anger within themselves and strive to minimize any anger in the environment so as to keep it from welling up inside.  This dynamic is the engine that drives Type 9 to ensure that everyone’s perspectives are heard and understood—a rapport building technique that the 9 uses with others and that you can reflect back to them.

The Enneagram’s Top Spot

There is a reason that Type 9 takes the top spot on the Enneagram diagram.  This spot symbolizes their ability to see everyone else’s perspective. Balanced exactly center-top, they can empathize both with the more feeling-based types on the right side of the Enneagram and the more logic-based types on the left side.  They can intuitively put themselves in everyone’s shoes specifically with a sensitivity to minimizing an anger response.

Where Do You Want to Eat?

If you ask Type 9 where they’d like to go out to eat, they will likely respond, “I don’t know, where do you want to eat?”  The 9 may know EXACTLY where they would like to eat, but rather than share that, they will put the decision on you.  Doing so avoids the possibility of a conflict arising over the choice.  Even if you push and insist the 9 choose, they will not be thinking about where they want to go; rather, they will imagine the place that you would most want to visit.  They will choose that to avoid the conflict.  When building rapport with Type 9, it’s always nice to ask where they would like to eat.  Rather than force the 9 to make the decision, you can imagine where the 9 would like to eat and choose that over your own preference. Doing so mirrors the behavior of the 9 and serves as a rapport-building technique.

Peaceful Protest

Instead of direct conflict, the 9s go-to strategy for resistance is passive aggression. If you ever need help with something and the 9 says, “Sorry, I’m busy,” they are either 1) actually too busy, or 2) they just got you good.  Often you won’t even know that they got you, but they will know, and that’s good enough. 

In light of the many protests occurring as I write this blog, I cannot help but be reminded that peaceful protest is a very Type 9 strategy.  Marching in solidarity with like-minded people and furthering the aims of the group represents Type 9 behavior at its best.  They are drawn to goals and efforts that minimize harm for the greatest number of people, and if they can achieve those goals with minimal conflict, all the better.

Competitive Physical Sports

Another way that Type 9 can vent any pent-up anger is playing physical sports.  Once on the court, the calm, quiet, complacent 9 transforms into a raging animal!  Within the confines of the mutually agreed upon boundaries and rules of the game, the 9 can act out their aggression with abandon.  Participating in physical competitive activities with Type 9 is another rapport building example.

When does rapport building take place with the Enneagram Type 9s in your life? What steps to building rapport work for you? What have you learned to avoid?

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Enneagram, Leadership

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 8 Teammates

June 4, 2020 by Matt Schlegel 1 Comment

Get to the point.  To communicate effectively with Enneagram Type 8 you must be succinct.  If they want more details, they’ll ask.  Letting them lead the conversation will create the environment for building rapport and trust.

Time for Action

Enneagram Type 8s prefer action to talking.  To get to action, if a decision needs to be made, the 8 will be decisive.  If the decision takes you in the wrong direction, no worries—just correct course and continue moving forward.  Type 8s typically don’t fear making an incorrect decision because they can always change later if necessary.  Taking action takes precedent. 

Mirroring 9.0

As discussed in this 5/8/20 blog,  mirroring is one of the most important rapport building skills.  The Enneagram Type 8 characteristics to reflect back to your Type 8 teammates include getting to the point, being direct, and acting decisively. Demonstrating these characteristics is an excellent rapport build strategy. Type 8s are the external anger type of the Enneagram—tapping into anger makes this type the most comfortable with confrontation. They respect others with their same style and by reflecting that direct, to-the-point manner you can build rapport with your Type 8 teammates.

Operating on Intuition

Enneagram Type 8s rely on intuition to inform their decisions.  When presented with a situation, they will have a gut reaction for how to proceed, often without having to think about it.  In fact, thinking and talking may seem like a waste of time to the 8 because they will have already intuited the answer.  It is important to respect the instinctive nature of the 8 when building rapport.

Being a Type 6 myself, I want to think things through and ask lots of questions.  These behaviors frustrate and anger the 8, so in my interaction with Type 8s I work to check these tendencies. Also, my tendency is to frame my conclusions into context.  My typical conversations start with context and end with the conclusion as the punchline. When speaking with 8s, I start with the punchline and only explain the context if asked.  Often the 8 will have already intuited the context, and explaining that first is just wasting their time.  I’ve found this an important rapport building technique with my Type 8 teammates.

Fail Forward

Unlike many other Enneagram types, Type 8s have very little fear of failure.  They so trust their instincts that the possibility of failure may not even occur to them.  If at some point along the way they sense that things are going as expected, their intuition informs them of how to adjust and carry on.  They would not treat that as a wrong decision or a failure, just an adjustment along the way.

24-Hour Rule

If there is an important piece of information that you think your Type 8 teammate may be overlooking, simply tell them directly without making a big deal of it. The 8 will internalize the information and correct course if necessary, usually within a day’s time. A fellow worker dubbed this the “24-Hour Rule.”   Also, if there is any bad news, don’t hide that from your Type 8 teammate. They will be direct with you and expect you to be direct with them.

Walking and Talking

Since Type 8s so value action, I find that scheduling conversations while walking or hiking is a wonderful time to build rapport. In this rapport building example, the 8 won’t feel like they’re sitting around not getting something done. Rather, they will be moving and looking forward.  A Type 8 friend of mine says that his personal motto is acting now with an eye towards the future.  Walking and hiking are literal embodiments of that creed and walking together can create an environment conducive to building trust and rapport with your Type 8 teammates.

When does rapport building take place with the Enneagram Type 8s in your life? What steps to building rapport work for you? What have you learned to avoid?

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Enneagram, Leadership

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 7 Teammates

June 2, 2020 by Matt Schlegel 2 Comments

Wanna have some fun?  Find an Enneagram Type 7!  Type 7s like being around other people, and others like being around them. Type 7s make it easy to build rapport. 

Type 7s are like Parfait

“You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits!” said Donkey in the movie Shrek.  Type 7s are the parfait of the Enneagram. They tend to be fun, charming and talkative.  They are very effective at making themselves likeable. They have the innate ability to “work a room”—go around, connect, and make sure that everyone’s having a good time. Who doesn’t like that! (Donkey is an good example of a talkative Type 7.)

Mirroring 9.0

As discussed in this 5/8/20 blog,  mirroring is one of the most important rapport building skills.  Enneagram Type 7s want to keep things light and fun; engaging with your Type 7 teammates in fun conversations and activities is a great way to build rapport with them. Enneagram Type 7s are the external anxiety type, external meaning that the source of their anxiety comes from outside of themselves—specifically from their relationships with others.  As long as they have a positive relationship, their anxiety is low.  If they sense any negativity, especially directed at themselves, then anxiety shoots up. For Type 7s, their anxiety reduction strategy is equivalent to a rapport build strategy.

Don’t Bring Me Down

Type 7s want to avoid negative situations, and they tend to be dismissive of other’s negative emotions.  If you need a shoulder to cry on, you can count on the 7 to encourage you to cheer up, but do not expect much beyond that—they are not wired to empathize with negative emotions.  As a rapport building strategy, keep your conversations with Type 7s on the emotionally positive and light side.  Engage in activities in which everyone involved can participate and enjoy themselves.  You can elicit the best out of your Type 7 teammates in these situations—you almost can’t help yourself from having a good time.

Help Me Get to Action

Another important way of building rapport and trust with your Type 7 teammates is to help them get to action.   They are reluctant to engage in activities that they perceive to be boring or negative in any way—even when they know they need to do it.  You can help them overcome this barrier by turning the activity into a team effort, so that they can be interacting with their teammates as they work through the task.  Creating a fun, team-based environment for Type 7 teammates is an excellent rapport building technique.

I once worked with a Type 7 who traveled extensively to Asia.  While he loved his job, he hated filing expense reports.  To him, those reports were tedious and boring with no positive social interaction—the worst of the worst.  Over the years—yes, years—he racked up 10s of thousands of dollars in reimbursable expenses.  Not even that amount of money could overcome his disdain for that boring activity.  This example highlighted to me the importance of caring about the tasks assigned to Type 7 teammates.

Think It, Speak It

Type 7s have a fascinating speaking style.  When telling a story, they will tend to take multiple tangents as they are reminded of things that they are compelled to mention. Another rapport building example is to patiently listen to your Type 7 teammates as they tell their story, sidetracks and all.  Also, don’t be put off if the Type 7 interrupts you when you are speaking.  Your story may remind them of something, and once they think it they are compelled to speak it.  This think-it-speak-it characteristic of the 7 makes them excellent at light, bantering conversations.

When does rapport building take place with the Enneagram Type 7s in your life? What steps to building rapport work for you? What have you learned to avoid?

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Enneagram, Leadership

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