Rapport? Who needs rapport? We have a job to do! Enneagram Type 3s want to work hard and accomplish the job. The best way to get along with Type 3s is pitching in, helping them and the team succeed. Here’s to success!
Feelings? No Thanks!
Although Enneagram Type 3 is in the Feeling Triad, they suppress their emotions and tend not to consider the feelings of others. Clearly, building rapport on an emotional basis is not the best approach with the 3. They do want to succeed and appear successful—therein lies the key to rapport building with your Type 3 teammates.
As discussed in this 5/8/20 blog, mirroring is one of the most important rapport building skills. Enneagram Type 3s are highly conscious of appearances and will respond well to mirroring. They like to surround themselves with achievement-oriented people who exhibit all the trappings of success—nice clothes, nice car, nice job, etc. Mirroring these signs of success while demonstrating your own ability to work hard and achieve success will put you in good stead with the 3.
Outside of the Box
Most people have emotional filters on their thoughts and ideas. Because Type 3s tend to suppress emotion, it’s as if these filters are turned off. This gift gives the 3 the ability to think outside of the emotional box. They freely generate ideas for the team to consider. Since they don’t themselves react emotionally to any idea, they have to monitor the group to see which ideas gain traction. As the saying goes, they throw out ideas like spaghetti against the wall and see what sticks. Type 3s appreciate feedback on their ideas and efforts to build consensus to move forward to accomplish the goal.
When the 3 is focused on the mission, they become emotionally distant. Don’t take it personally. Just work with the 3 to help them achieve the goal. They will tune back in once the goal is achieved. Remember, your Type 3 colleague may really like you despite the emotional distance. That distance is simply an artifact of the suppressed-emotion type. With your Type 3 teammates, putting feelings aside and staying on task is one of the best rapport building techniques.
Bonding Over Work
One of my closest friends from college is Enneagram Type 3. We attended an academically challenging school. As a Type 6 myself, I always felt the stress and anxiety of the workload, and that anxiety shifted my behaviors towards Type 3, along my path of disintegration. In that state, I was naturally mirroring many of the behaviors of my diligent, hard-working Type 3 friend. No wonder we got along so well!
Type 3s are highly competitive. Another rapport building example is to find activities in which the 3 excels and engage them in friendly competition. With my friend in college, our favorite competition was ping pong—we played hours and hours of ping pong. If you put up a great fight and they still win—you have given them another opportunity to demonstrate success. That’s a win-win rapport building strategy with your Type 3 teammate.
When does rapport building take place with the Enneagram Type 3s in your life? How are you building rapport and trust? What steps to building rapport are you taking? What steps to building rapport work and what have you learned to avoid?