Leadership

How do feelings influence your planning and decision making?  How do you make a decision when you don’t have strong feelings about something? Here’s how an Enneagram Type 4 leader overcame a lack of feelings to build plans for the future.

Being Present

Of all Enneagram types, Type 4s most naturally live in the moment.  They are acutely aware of how their environment is making them feel, and these feelings keep them focused on what they are experiencing right here and now.

Planning Ahead

If you ask a Type 4 whether they want to do something tomorrow, they will often be ambivalent.  They may not know how they are going to feel about doing that thing until doing it is imminent.  Until those feelings emerge, it may be difficult for them to make a decision. The 4’s inability to predict their own feelings about plans for the future can frustrate those in the 4’s life who are trying to make plans.

Other’s Emotional Shoes

While predicting their own feelings may be difficult, Type 4s will often have a much easier time predicting the feelings of others.  Type 4s are masterful at putting themselves in other’s emotional shoes thereby allowing them to predict how others will respond to certain situations.  This ability is one of the sources of their artistic creativity and enables them to communicate through art in emotionally impactful ways.

By focusing on others’ feelings rather than their own feelings, Type 4s can envision future outcomes that convey desired emotional impacts and outcomes—from that vision they can build plans to deliver those outcomes.  By starting with desired feelings of stakeholders, Type 4 leaders can create plans for the future. Plans become the canvas upon which the Type 4 leader paints.

How do feelings influence your decision making?  Do you use feelings with intention, or do you simply react. When planning for the future, do consider how you and others will feel?

[Video Transcript]

How do feelings influence your planning and decision making?  How do you make a decision when you don’t have strong feelings about something? Here’s how Aaron did it.

I asked him, “How are you feeling about the workshop tomorrow?”

He looked at me struggling to answer what I thought was a pretty simple question.

The problem was he was still having feelings about our lunch conversation, about the boba tea he was enjoying, about the rain that was finally falling after weeks of drought.

He just sipped his tea and shrugged at me.

What I love about Aaron is his ability to see around corners—see what’s not there.

He leads a team of creative people who feed him ideas that he can react to.  Not only does he have high emotional awareness of how he’s feeling,  he also has a strong sense of how others respond as well.

If you want to tailor a message that elicits a specific emotional response,  you can count on Aaron and his team to deliver.

And while being present and in the moment comes naturally to Aaron, thinking about the future is a little more murky to him.  After all, how does he know how he’s going to feel about something until he’s faced directly with it?

When thinking about the future, I suggested that Aaron imagine how he would like to feel—start with those feelings and work back from there to a plan that delivers those feelings.

Aaron appreciates a full emotional palette. For him, the best outcomes would elicit a wide range of emotions, so even that suggestion was too broad.

I then suggested that he think about how he’d want each of his team members to feel.  Aaron has the ability to put himself in other’s emotional shoes.

“Well, I’d want Julie to feel included, he started and I’d want to make sure that Mark had fun.

He then went on to express how he hoped each of his teammates would feel coming out of the workshop.  It was pretty amazing. I took notes to make sure that the workshop design hit all the points.

I then turned to Aaron and asked him well how do you want to feel coming out of the workshop.  He smiled and said, “We’ll see.”

How do feelings influence your decision making?  Do you use feelings with intention? Or do you simply react. When planning for the future, do consider how you and others will feel?

Thanks so much for listening.

If you liked this, leave a comment and share it with others.

Please subscribe to the channel and stay tuned for the next episode.

Thanks again.

Do you value decisiveness and action more than not being wrong or making a mistake? How do you overcome your fear of failure or your fear of simply being wrong.  Here’s how an Enneagram Type 5 leader did just that.

Fear of Being Wrong

Atychiphobia is the fear of being wrong, the fear of being told you are wrong, including the fear of failure.   Enneagram Type 5s are acutely sensitive to not being wrong which can make it difficult for them to make decisions.  Fortunately for Enneagram Type 5s, they have a connection to the confident decision making behaviors of Type 8 along their path of integration.  Here’s how the 5 can access those behaviors.

Shades of Gray

Enneagram Type 5s see the world in shades of gray—rarely are things black and white to them.  Seeing so many possibilities makes confident decision making just that much harder.  Further compounding this is milder sense of urgency and focus more on the past than the future.  Herein lies the key to confident decision making for the 5.

Future Experts

Enneagram Type 5s are expert at becoming experts.  They will patiently study a topic going down all paths and permutations to analyze it from every possible angle.  Over time, they become expert in any topic they set their mind to. Type 5s know the feeling of mastering a subject.  They also know how they feel once they’ve reached the level of mastery.  At that point, they become confident in their abilities to lead on that subject, which is the point when they are accessing confident Type 8 decision-making behaviors.

Logic versus Intuition

Enneagram Type 5s are in the Head Center of the Enneagram and use logic and reason to make decisions.  They develop a confident intuition about a subject, like Type 8, as they master it. Knowing this about themselves, and by projecting themselves into the future, they can allow themselves to make decisions that lead to mastery, allowing themselves to make missteps along the way and forgiving themselves when they do. Once they arrive at mastery, others will see the success of the 5, mitigating any lingering feelings of regret they may harbor.  In time, those feelings will subside.  And once they’ve reached that level of mastery, they will be accessing confident decision making that they knew was within their reach all along.

How do you develop confidence in your decision making?  Do you focus on subject mastery or does your intuition inform you?  How do you handle and overcome missteps and mistakes? How do you embrace failure as a form of progress?

[Video Transcript]

Do you value decisiveness and action more than not being wrong or making a mistake?

Sam was leading her team in a new direction and she needed to make some big decisions.

She’d produced this elaborate decision tree many branches deep.

She said,  “We can use this to make decisions.”

Unlike some who rely on intuition, Sam relies on logic to guide her decision making.

She envied those who say the world in black and white—

For them, it seemed so easy to make decision.

And even if they were wrong they always seemed so confident.

For Sam, the world was not black and white. She saw many possibilities, many shades of gray.

And, with so many possibilities, it was difficult for her to be confident that she was making the right decision.

I reminded Sam that in 6 months she’d be expert in this new direction and all this agonizing would be behind her.

Without a word, I could tell that she understood and agreed.

At that future point, decision making would become easy.  The challenge was navigating the short term to get to that point.

I suggested that she look to the confident decision makers in her life who she admired.

I asked her what would they do if they discovered they’d made a mistake.

And she told me this story:

She once had that super confident boss and everyone just followed her lead.  Whenever Sam realized that the team may be headed in a bad direction, she would make a brief comment to the boss like, “You know ‘this or that’ could happen.”

And that’s all she’d say and she’d just wait.

Usually within 24 hours, her boss would change her mind and announce a new direction.  And that would be it—no reflection, no apparent remorse or regret, just plowing ahead.

I asked her, “What can you take from that?”

And she said, “Well, my boss valued decisiveness and action more than not being wrong or making a mistake—mistakes were fine and just needed a course correction along the way.”

And with that, she looked down at her decision tree, circled a branch and said, “It’s time to get to action.”

How do you make decisions when things aren’t black and white?  How do you overcome your fear of being wrong?

Thanks so much for listening.

If you liked this, leave a comment and share it with others.

Please subscribe to the channel and stay tuned for the next episode.

Thanks again.

Just get to the point!  Anyone ever said that to you?  Enneagram Type 6s are contextual communicators—they want to understand the background of an issue and may think others do to.  But that’s not always the case.  Here’s how a Type 6 leader adjusted their style to better communicate with their boss.

Type 6 vs. Type 8

Communication styles for Enneagram Type 6 and Type 8 could not be more different.  Type 6s want to lay out all the contextual information and logically come to a conclusion.  They think everything through, fitting it together coherently and rationally. On the other hand, Type 8s operate on intuition and want to get to action—no need for the back story, just get to the bottom line.

Paragraphs vs. Bullet Points

For Type 6 to communicate effectively with Type 8, the Type 6 must adjust their style.  Rather than communicating in paragraph form, the most effective form is bullet points.  You don’t even need complete sentences—just get to the point!  People who prefer this style are easily recognizable.  They often prefer using text messages to communicate. Even their emails may resemble a text message.

Logic vs. Intuition

Type 6s are guided by thinking and logic, while Type 8s follow their intuition.  Without context, Type 6 will often have many questions about a topic before being able to express an opinion or make a decision. In essence, they want the backstory and details to validate that everything fits together logically.  On the other hand, Type 8s are typically following their intuition.  They will often already have a sense of the answer so hashing out the details may seem a waste of time to them.  They will only question a direction if it seems out of line with their intuition.  Otherwise, they just want to keep moving forward.

Planning Ahead vs. Here and Now

Type 6s tend to think about the future. They are scanning ahead, looking for pitfalls and building contingency plans.  When something out of the ordinary happens but falls within the range of what the they had planned for, they may not think much of it—they’ll have a plan for that.   On the other hand, Type 8s tend to live in the moment and will generally not have thought through all contingencies to the extent that 6 has.  If something out of the ordinary happens, the 8 might consider that a surprise and will want to know about it immediately.  Type 6s are well served to maintain a stream of updates—using bullet points—to their Type 8 boss.  Type 8s hate being blindsided, so keeping them abreast of the latest news will help avoid unnecessary surprises.

Mirroring Communications Styles

While the Type 6/Type 8 communication mismatch is one of the more dramatic ones, each Enneagram type has a distinct communication style.  In order to communicate effectively, it is important to understand both your own style and the style of your communication partner so that you can adjust your style for a better communication match. You can do this with a technique called mirroring—reflecting back the style being presented to you.

How have you had to adjust your communication style to suit that of the people with whom you communicate?  Have you had to adjust both content and frequency?  How have you asked others to communicate to you so that you are getting the information that you want? Has that been challenging?

[Video Transcript]

“I give Phil all the reports he asks for, but he’s constantly asking me for updates. It’s like he doesn’t trust my reports.”

Mark was frustrated because he thought he was giving his boss Phil everything he wanted but Phil kept asking for more and would often seem angry.

Clearly there was a communication mismatch between the two.

To understand the situation, first I wanted to understand Mark’s style.

Mark was proud of the team that he’d built.

They were working on many projects, and he’d organized them to focus on the highest priorities.

He trusted his team; and in his mind, everything was proceeding on track and as planned.

When a problem came up, he counted his team to take care of it and to escalate if they needed help, which they did from time to time.

Mark provided Phil with  weekly updates on all the projects highlighting both progress and challenges,

which is exactly what Phil had asked for.

But, clearly this wasn’t enough.

Then I asked Mark to describe Phil’s style, especially how he communicated.

Mark said that he would only get very short messages from Phil.

Sometimes in email, but mostly in text messages.

Phil. Loves. Texting.

Mark also recalled that Phil hated being blindsided.  He wanted to be the first to know if there was any news, good or bad.

I made several suggestions to Mark:

First, I suggested that he mirror Phil’s communication style, reflecting back that same short, to the point style that Phil used.

Also, I suggested that he use text messages, since that seemed to be Phil’s preference.

And finally, I suggested that Mark increase the frequency of the updates.  Rather than wait for a weekly report, send Phil a text whenever there was any news, good or bad.

Work to make sure that Phil was never surprised by any issue.

To do this, Mark let his team know that he would be dropping by during the week to get updates. He also asked that if they heard anything new, to let him immediately so that he could pass it along.

Within just 2 weeks of this new approach, the tone of Phil’s texts completely changed.  Rather than asking for information, Phil started offering useful suggestions—a sign that he wanted to find ways to help the project be successful. And, Mark was relieved that the tone of Phil’s texts seem much less angry.

Happiness for you and your boss can both be achieved by taking time and care like Mark did,  to understand and mirror your boss’ communication style.

Thanks so much for listening.

If you liked this, leave a comment and share it with others.

Please subscribe to the channel and stay tuned for the next episode.

Thanks again.

When conversations are going in circles, no progress is being made, and tensions among teammates are rising, it’s time for a team timeout. Enneagram Type 9s are masterful mediators.  Here’s how one Type 9 leader reset their team and got them back on track.

Time for a Team Timeout

Enneagram Type 9s are in the Intuitive Center of the Enneagram and, more than most, have a strong sense of how to build consensus around a direction to take a team.  When the direction is unclear and teammates have differing strong opinions, the 9 leader can become overwhelmed and may feel like retreating. Rather than simply giving themself a timeout, it can be instructive to give the entire team a timeout.

Start at the Start

People love playing to their strengths and will often jump ahead asserting ideas based on their own particular talents.  If everyone does that, it can pull the team in many directions causing conflict among teammates, which the Type 9 leader dislikes.  When this happens, the team can be brought back into alignment by starting at the start.  As I describe in Teamwork 9.0, the first step in problem solving is to clearly state the problem and then create a vision statement describing the world with the problem solved.  Importantly, by having teammates describe the problem in front of everyone else, the team builds a sense of common cause and mission to solve the problem.

Collective Catharsis

Being masterful mediators, Type 9 leaders can facilitate their team through this exercise in a way that results in collective catharsis—conflict subsides and the teammates turn towards solutions that not only meet their own needs, but empathetically meet the needs of group. Perspectives broaden and the team experiences increased levels of creativity.

Mess to Success

In this video, I describe how a Type 9 leader reached the frustration point at which they needed to hit the reset button. By having the team collectively revisit the problem, the 9 built a sense of common purpose that brought the team back into alignment and moving forward together.

How do Type 9 leaders in your life respond when the team starts pulling in different directions?  Do they take a timeout?  Do they have the team take a timeout?  How do they bring the team back into alignment?

[Video Transcript]

“You know, Matt, my team isn’t agreeing on anything.”

That’s what Cindy said exasperated.

Then she said, “I try to mediate, but we just talk in circles.  The conversations’ going nowhere.”

Cindy’s team is faced with a big challenge, and she wants the team to be in alignment before moving forward.

Her team members have different strong opinions about what to do, and nothing seems to be gelling.

She said, “Everyone just needs a time out.” I think when she said that she especially meant that wanted to give herself a timeout.

Cindy is a smart, strong leader who succeeds by building consensus among her team.

Typically, Cindy has strong instincts about which direction to go, and her superpower is mediating the team to build consensus in that direction.

But in this case, her instincts weren’t sending her a very strong signal,

and as team members asserted their own opinions, discussions had devolved from constructive conversations into unhealthy conflict.

I suggested an approach from my book Teamwork 9.0 in which the team could form consensus al on their own.

I reminded her of the problem-solving process and the very first step of having everyone describe the problem as they see it from their own perspective

and doing that in front of everyone else.

Cindy took me up on this suggestion and in her own elegant way she ensured that not only did everyone have a chance to explain their perspectives, but also that everyone listened closely to each other’s perspectives.

Like magic, team members started echoing many of each other’s concerns, and they started to see the commonality of the problem they shared.

Cindy then had her team imagine what the world would look like once the problem was solved.  Doing that, the team created a vision statement that served as a guide for them.

Having built consensus around the problem statement and the vision statement, the team felt common cause.

And thankfully they stopped arguing.  Even Cindy’s instincts started kicking in.

When your team gets stuck and teammates start bickering and pointing fingers, how do you handle the situation?  Do you use Cindy’s approach of a constructive Team Timeout?  Or do you have a different approach?

What’s you mess-to-success story?

Thanks so much for listening.

If you liked this, leave a comment, and share it with others.

Please subscribe to the channel and stay tuned for the next episode.

Thanks again.