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How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 7 Teammates

June 2, 2020 by Matt Schlegel 2 Comments

Wanna have some fun?  Find an Enneagram Type 7!  Type 7s like being around other people, and others like being around them. Type 7s make it easy to build rapport. 

Type 7s are like Parfait

“You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits!” said Donkey in the movie Shrek.  Type 7s are the parfait of the Enneagram. They tend to be fun, charming and talkative.  They are very effective at making themselves likeable. They have the innate ability to “work a room”—go around, connect, and make sure that everyone’s having a good time. Who doesn’t like that! (Donkey is an good example of a talkative Type 7.)

Mirroring 9.0

As discussed in this 5/8/20 blog,  mirroring is one of the most important rapport building skills.  Enneagram Type 7s want to keep things light and fun; engaging with your Type 7 teammates in fun conversations and activities is a great way to build rapport with them. Enneagram Type 7s are the external anxiety type, external meaning that the source of their anxiety comes from outside of themselves—specifically from their relationships with others.  As long as they have a positive relationship, their anxiety is low.  If they sense any negativity, especially directed at themselves, then anxiety shoots up. For Type 7s, their anxiety reduction strategy is equivalent to a rapport build strategy.

Don’t Bring Me Down

Type 7s want to avoid negative situations, and they tend to be dismissive of other’s negative emotions.  If you need a shoulder to cry on, you can count on the 7 to encourage you to cheer up, but do not expect much beyond that—they are not wired to empathize with negative emotions.  As a rapport building strategy, keep your conversations with Type 7s on the emotionally positive and light side.  Engage in activities in which everyone involved can participate and enjoy themselves.  You can elicit the best out of your Type 7 teammates in these situations—you almost can’t help yourself from having a good time.

Help Me Get to Action

Another important way of building rapport and trust with your Type 7 teammates is to help them get to action.   They are reluctant to engage in activities that they perceive to be boring or negative in any way—even when they know they need to do it.  You can help them overcome this barrier by turning the activity into a team effort, so that they can be interacting with their teammates as they work through the task.  Creating a fun, team-based environment for Type 7 teammates is an excellent rapport building technique.

I once worked with a Type 7 who traveled extensively to Asia.  While he loved his job, he hated filing expense reports.  To him, those reports were tedious and boring with no positive social interaction—the worst of the worst.  Over the years—yes, years—he racked up 10s of thousands of dollars in reimbursable expenses.  Not even that amount of money could overcome his disdain for that boring activity.  This example highlighted to me the importance of caring about the tasks assigned to Type 7 teammates.

Think It, Speak It

Type 7s have a fascinating speaking style.  When telling a story, they will tend to take multiple tangents as they are reminded of things that they are compelled to mention. Another rapport building example is to patiently listen to your Type 7 teammates as they tell their story, sidetracks and all.  Also, don’t be put off if the Type 7 interrupts you when you are speaking.  Your story may remind them of something, and once they think it they are compelled to speak it.  This think-it-speak-it characteristic of the 7 makes them excellent at light, bantering conversations.

When does rapport building take place with the Enneagram Type 7s in your life? What steps to building rapport work for you? What have you learned to avoid?

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Enneagram, Leadership

Honored to be featured at Forbes.com

June 1, 2020 by Matt Schlegel Leave a Comment

How To Segment Your Best-Paying Clients With The Enneagram Model

Henry DeVries Contributor, May 28, 2020, 09:00am EDT

https://www.forbes.com/sites/henrydevries/2020/05/28/how-to-segment-your-best-paying-clients-with-the-enneagram-model/#5f2cf0e7cb71

Matt Schlegel, who uses personality models as one of his ways to get at the heart of his client’s needs, was able to provide further advice. Schlegel has spent the last 13 years refining methods for reaching clients better, working in a business development role for two consulting practices. He recently published a book, Teamwork 9.0—Successful Workgroup Problem Solving Using the Enneagram, on teamwork based on his understanding and practice of the Enneagram model. 

Schlegel had these tips about segmenting your clients to provide the best service:

Starting Point: Ask questions. 

“What problems are your clients trying to solve? Listen carefully. Based on their answers, they will reveal their Enneagram type. Type 1 may say, ‘I am not getting the accurate and complete information that I need to make timely decisions.’ Type 2 may say, “My team is working overtime every week and meeting goals, yet we get no acknowledgement for our extraordinary efforts.”  Each Enneagram type will frame a problem from their type’s perspective. It may be the exact same problem, but you will get nine different answers! Versing yourself with these nine perspectives informs you of your prospect’s type during these early conversations.”

Pain Avoidance is Key. 

“People are much more sensitive to pain and loss, than pleasure. Once you understand your prospect’s type, you will understand the pain to which they are most acutely sensitive. For instance, Type 3 fears failure, while Type 4 fears being considered common or ordinary. Being able to speak about your service in a way in which your prospect perceives they will avoid their distinct pain will ensure that they pay close attention to your offering.”

Point Out the Positive Benefit. 

“The flip side of pain avoidance is positive benefit. Pain and benefit are two sides of the same coin, and each Enneagram type has a distinct coin. Used together, they deliver a powerful message to your prospect. For Type 5, who values information, you may say, ‘In order to avoid missing critical data during your analysis, our solution provides you with all the facts so that you can present well-informed presentations to your board.’ For Type 6, who wants predictability, you may say, ‘Our solutions remove human error, so that you get reliable results each month.’ Knowing the Enneagram type of your prospects allows you to formulate the most impactful message.

Develop Pattern Recognition. 

“After a while using the Enneagram, you will discover that certain Enneagram types migrate to certain roles in the company. This pattern is extremely useful when preparing content appropriate for your prospect. For instance, I find that Type 7s relish roles in marketing. Type 8s frequent leadership roles such as COO and CEO. And Type 9s fill service roles such as IT and customer service. Understanding these patterns can give you clues that help you tailor your business development messages appropriately.”

Personality models like Enneagram are helpful tools for the real task: understanding our clients. Like anything, it takes a lot of practice to develop the skills, but using something like Enneagram as a model will allow you to start thinking about your clients differently.

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Enneagram, Leadership

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 6 Teammates

May 28, 2020 by Matt Schlegel 1 Comment

YIKES!  What if THAT happens?!? Enneagram Type 6s are always on the alert for possible danger.  They like to think about the future and prepare appropriately. In relationships, trust is paramount.  Here’s how to build rapport with Type 6.

A Calm Moment

More than any other Enneagram type, Type 6 is beset with feelings of anxiety.  Like a thermometer in their gut, the anxiety temperature is low when things go according to plan.  When things don’t, the anxiety temperature rises. When building rapport with Type 6, it is best to approach them in their calm state. Otherwise, anxiety can make them confrontational and mask their ability to make meaningful and trusting connections.

Mirroring 9.0

As discussed in this 5/8/20 blog,  mirroring is one of the most important rapport building skills.  Reflecting back concern about the future and discussing probabilities for outcomes is an important way to build rapport and trust with your Type 6 teammates. They value these conversations and your participation is an excellent rapport building technique.

Walk Me Through This

Anxiety can be particularly high when doing something for the first time. Your Type 6 teammate will appreciate being walked through how it works. They want to know what’s going to happen and when it will take place.  For instance, if you have a big meeting coming up in which the 6 will present, rehearse with the 6—that will help calm their anxiety.  Reassuring them that everything will be fine also helps. 

If you are planning to conduct the meeting with a new online tool, practice with the 6 beforehand. Unfamiliarity with the tool during the meeting will increase anxiety for the 6 that can throw them off their game. Doing a dry run beforehand will allow the 6 to become familiar with the tool; they will appreciate your efforts to help keep anxiety levels low. 

Don’t Put Me on the Spot

Since 6s plan things out, they generally have a script in their head they’re following.  Sticking to the script will keep anxiety down.  If you need to go off script, then be aware that anxiety for the 6 increases, and they will appreciate support under those conditions. Situations in which there is confrontation are particularly anxiety-inducing. As a rapport building strategy, minimizing confrontation and unexpected outcomes keeps Type 6s calm and at their best. 

Meet Expectations

Type 6s constantly judge whether someone or something can be trusted to be reliable. With your Type 6 teammates, be consistent in setting expectations and meeting those expectations. As you do this, the 6 will increasingly trust you and open the space for rapport building.

No! Well, Maybe

When presented with a new proposal out of the blue, the gut reaction for the 6 is often, “No.”  They will say no before they have had a chance to think about it.  Once they have a moment to think, they will often want to change their mind. But, before they do, they will have questions—lots of questions.  One of the labels often attributed to the 6 is the Questioner.  Why do they ask so many questions? Firstly, they want to make sure that you have really thought through the idea, so that they can trust you.  Also, they want to know what will happen, so they will endeavor to clarify how things will play out.  Indulging your Type 6 teammates by answering their questions is another rapport building example.

Plan A and B

Type 6s are natural planners. Not only will they plan out the main path forward, they will want to prepare a plan B, just in case. Participating with your Type 6 teammates in planning helps build consensus and lowers the likelihood for future confrontations, all of which alleviate anxiety and present a platform on which to build rapport with your Type 6 teammates.

When does rapport building take place with the Enneagram Type 6s in your life? What steps to building rapport work for you? What have you learned to avoid?

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Employee Engagement, Enneagram, Leadership

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 5 Teammates

May 27, 2020 by Matt Schlegel Leave a Comment

How do you build rapport with your Enneagram Type 5 teammates? Intrigue them to want to build rapport with you.  As the turtles of the Enneagram, you need to make Type 5s feel both safe and interested to coax them out of their shell. Here’s how.

Inform Me

For Type 5s, acquiring information and knowledge makes them feel safe.  They are drawn to unorthodox topics that require profound knowledge.  They enjoy immersing themselves deeply in the subject matter.  Here are examples of the topics the Type 5s in my life pursue: bee keeping, brew master, sommelier, amateur radio, philosophy, study of the Native American language Lakota, study of German literature, study of Russian, study of Japanese and karaoke, amateur hockey player, baseball color commentator, Dota 2 video game specialist, Linux kernel specialist,  AI specialist, consumer electronics design specialist, and cartoon illustrator.  Engaging in conversations about the subject in which they are expert is when rapport building takes place with your Type 5 teammates. Sharing any specialized knowledge that you have on the subject will be especially compelling for them.

Mirroring 9.0

As discussed in this 5/8/20 blog,  mirroring is one of the most important rapport building skills.  Reflecting back interest in their favorite subjects is an important way to build rapport and trust with your Type 5 teammates.  Type 5s are the internal-anxiety type of the Enneagram. They fear appearing uninformed and will tend to be moot on subjects in which they are not expert. By steering topics towards their interests, you will be able to elicit meaningful conversations with your teammate.

Knowledge is Gold

For Type 5s, knowledge is safety, and they won’t feel safe until they are very knowledgeable.  Since knowledge is so valuable to them, they are also very reluctant to impart information to others.  This is especially true if they do not trust that the information won’t be used against them.  Building trust and rapport with your Type 5 teammates is imperative to overcoming this obstacle to information sharing.

Nothing Personal

There is nothing more valuable to the 5 than information about themselves.  Type 5s are reluctant to share personal information, and it makes them uncomfortable when asked. As a rapport building strategy, follow the Type 5s lead and move conversations away from personal topics and towards their areas of interest.  If relevant, feel free to share personal information about yourself. When your Type 5 teammates feel comfortable, they may divulge nuggets about themselves. When that happens, you know you’ll have taken an important step to building rapport and trust with your teammates.

Help Me Decide

While Type 5s may be very knowledgeable on a topic, they may be reluctant to make decisions based on their information. For the 5s, nothing is black and white. They perceive all shades of gray and nuance.  In that murky, cloudy world, the safest path forward is often unclear.  Having conversations with your Type 5 teammate to help them make a decision is another rapport build example you can use.  My partner is a 5, and when we go to a restaurant she wants to read the entire menu, top to bottom.  She will find 2 or 3 items that look interesting and will struggle to make a decision—she doesn’t want to make the wrong decision!  A conversation ensues in which we review the pros and cons of each option.  This conversation helps her make her decision. We’ve been married for 29 years, so this rapport building technique seems to be working well!

When does rapport building take place with the Enneagram Type 5s in your life? What rapport building strategies work for you? What have you learned to avoid?

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Employee Engagement, Enneagram, Leadership

How to Build Rapport with your Enneagram Type 4 Teammates

May 21, 2020 by Matt Schlegel Leave a Comment

How am I feeling? Really!?!  How can I answer that when I’m feeling everything!  If you want to understand the emotional content of, well, anything, then have a conversation with your Enneagram Type 4 teammate. Do you feel me?

Feelings? Yes, Please!

As Shrek once pointed out, “Ogres are like onions. […] Ogres have layers.”  Layers of what goes unsaid, but clearly Shrek is talking about feelings—and, clearly, Shrek is a Type 4. (By the way, Shrek and Donkey illustrate the relationship between Type 4 and Type 7.)

Enneagram Type 4 is the internal-emotions type in the Feeling Center of the Enneagram.  This type has the innate ability to “feel” the emotional content of the world, both what is present and also what is missing.  Having conversations about feelings is when rapport building takes place with your Type 4 teammates.

Mirroring 9.0 – Safe Space

As discussed in this 5/8/20 blog,  mirroring is one of the most important rapport building skills. Mirroring with Type 4 requires conversations about feelings. In some settings, such conversations are not welcome nor appreciated. For Type 4s, these settings are stifling.  Social conversations that focus only on positivity and superficiality will not seem genuine to the 4.  They yearn for something deeper.  Herein lies your opportunity to build rapport and trust with your Type 4 teammate—by finding opportunities to  share your own feelings.   Your Type 4 teammate will often express deep empathy and provide unique perspectives on your situation. Acknowledging and appreciating these gifts is a key step to building rapport with Type 4.

It’s Complicated

Type 4s may be reluctant to share their feelings with you. To the 4, asking how they are feeling is a ridiculous question.  Remember the onion?  They are experiencing ALL feelings in layers.  Simply saying they feel one way only exposes the next layer of feelings.  Do they express that, too?  And the next? In any case, by sharing your own feelings you are signaling to the 4 that it is safe to talk about feelings. Let them share when they are ready—no need to force it.

Pining is not Wanting

Type 4s often dwell on what is missing—they pine for things that are not there. For most people, we mistake pining for wanting. If we hear a Type 4 pine for something we may acquire that thing and give it to them.  Don’t be surprised if the reaction is, “Why did you get this?”  The 4 didn’t want the thing, they just wanted to pine for it. Pining is a way for the 4 to deeply explore the emotional content of something. That process is more important than the thing itself.

Remember when photographs were processed on film?  We gave the film to the processor and in return received a set of photographs and negatives.  To most of us, the world is represented by the photograph, the positive view of the world.  Imagine if you could see the world in the negative, inverted and highlighting what is missing rather than what is there—now you are starting to see the worldview of the 4.

Valuable Perspectives

Having a Type 4 on your team provides valuable perspectives and insights. When evaluating ideas for solutions, they provide insight into how the world will respond emotionally to each proposal.  They can identify what is missing and suggest elements that may be critical for persistent and sustainable solutions. Also, they can determine if there is sufficient positive emotional energy behind any proposal to garner the support necessary from the team to make the effort to reach the goal.  Eliciting and valuing these perspectives from Type 4 teammates is another rapport building example.

When does rapport building take place with the Enneagram Type 4s in your life? What rapport building strategies work for you? What have you learned to avoid?

Filed Under: Building Rapport, Employee Engagement, Enneagram, Leadership

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